KING XERXES ACCEPTS DNC CORONATION, PROMISES EVERYTHING

By Blogonaut

In a larger-than-life stadium venue that put the closing night of he 2008 Olympics to shame, a bigger than mortal Barack Obama promised that if elected he would lower taxes, keep all American jobs on-shore, give everyone health insurance, end America’s dependence on foreign oil in a decade, create 5 million new jobs, and give everyone eternal life.

No word yet on how this would be possible, but Politico.com is reporting that Obama is the descendant of gods.

The Chicago Senator’s running mate Joe Biden had more down to earth spin, saying: “That is what you do when you are raised by a single mother of modest means”. (No, it did not make any sense to us when we heard it on Wednesday night either.)

Following the lollapalooza event—which included top rock star talent, such as the Black Eyed peas, Sheryl Crow, Stevie wonder, and, of course, Barack Obama—the Obama campaign set off an estimated $100 billion worth of fireworks, all paid for with $5.00 individual donations from newly registered Democratic voters under 20 years old.

Hail Xerxes!

JOHN MCCAIN CONGRATULATES OBAMA ON HISTORIC DAY WITH NEW AD

OLBERMANN DISSES CHRIS MATTHEWS WITH HAND PUPPET GESTURE

Ten bucks says that Chris Matthews goes for Keith Olbermann’s throat before the convention is over.

Is Matthews' MSNBC contract going to be renewed? Doubtful, but stay tuned.

US ATTORNEY: METH HEADS TOO STONED TO HURT OBAMA

CNN Politics

While three tweaking “meth heads” who aspire to kill the Senator from Chicago cruising around Denver with large quantities of the drug, guns, ammunition, a bullet proof vest, two-way radios, and a portable methamphetamine lab is hardly reassuring, the US Attorney today tried to do just that by asserting that the trio was literally too addled by meth to actually carry out any plot to harm the Democratic presidential nominee, CNN is reporting.

There is not enough evidence to conclude that three people arrested with drugs and weapons posed a "true threat" to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, the Denver U.S. Attorney said Tuesday.

Their alleged plot to harm Obama was apparently fueled by racism and was more "aspirational than operational," Eid said.

The suspects face federal and state charges in connection with the drugs and weapons, according to authorities.

Colorado, police were conducting a routine traffic stop when they saw Tharin Robert Gartrell swerving and driving erratically in a blue Dodge truck with a Colorado license plate. An officer pulled over Gartrell and discovered the 28-year-old was driving on a suspended license and was on probation for possession of methamphetamine, according to an affidavit.

The officer arrested Gartrell and found inside his pants' pocket a small plastic bag containing 4.4 ounces of methamphetamine. A search of the truck turned up two rifles, a bulletproof vest, boxes of ammunition, several guns, hunting scopes, walkie-talkies and drugs, the affidavit states.

Authorities also found a "mobile" meth lab in the back seat, which included tools to make the drug.

Law enforcement had already received an informant’s tip that the trio had been plotting to kill Barack Obama.

Quote of the Day

Obama campaign spokesman Tommy Vietor:

"Senator McCain should take the day off at one of his seven homes to consider whether his support for outsourcing, tax breaks for companies who ship jobs overseas and continued spending of ten billion a month in Iraq is really putting 'country first.' To us, it sounds like just more of the same."

Republican John McCain has a lot of houses.

So many houses does not remember how many he owns.

JUDGE HALVERSON GOING DOWN IN FLAMES, EARLY RETURNS SHOW

By Blogonaut
August 12, 2008

Embattled Las Vegas, Nevada, Judge Elizabeth Halverson’s pending disciplinary hearing, now into its 5th day, may soon be strictly academic. The reason: Tuesday is primary election day in Nevada for several state and local offices—including which top two candidates will face off in November for the right to sit on the bench in Halverson’s Department 23 for the next 4 years.

Based on early returns, with 37.16% of precincts reporting, the incumbent jurist is dead last in a field of three—with just over 10% of the vote.

To add insult to the 500 pound jurist’s injury, the early leader of the pack (with just under 60% of the vote) is thin and pretty Stefany Miley (currently a Family Court Judge), followed by Vegas attorney Jason Landess (30%)—who is best known for once losing $2 million at one sitting at the black jack tables, then filing bankruptcy to avoid the debt.

You can follow the race by clicking this Clark County (Las Vegas) Election Department link, and then scrolling down to the Department 23 table.

***BREAKING***
UPDATE: Halverson out. Final vote tallies:

Halverson, Elizabeth: 9,246 (9.65%)
Landess, Jason: 29,136 (30.41%)
Miley, Stefany: 57,436 (59.94%)

THE VIEW FROM NARNIA

What is this post about?

See here and here.