Nick Names for Sale

If you've ever watched European hockey leagues you probably wondered what team the players played for. The Djurgarden Peugeots? The Copenhagen Tissots? Huh? With all the ads covering their jerseys, it's tough to tell exactly which are brandname logos and which are their team logos. I remember there being rumblings about bringing that over to the NHL to bring more revenue into the sport. I dreaded it and didn't think I could stomach watching my Leafs with McDonald's logos plastered all over their sweater. Well, I have come up with an idea to end those talks before they start up again. I'm sure you are as tired of uncreative nicknames as I am. Why is it that all NHLers these days just take the first syllable from a players' name and add a "y/ie" or "er" to the end? I mean Kabby, Komi, Ovie, Caber? That's just lazy and basically kills any notion that they will ever have a cool nickname. Since they're wasting their potential, why not make the most of it and sell the rights to their nickname for a few bucks? Looking at the Leafs roster, here's a few that I could really push for them if they let me. Luke "Mr. Clean Magic Eraser" Schenn

The human eraser is probably the only good thing to come out of Pierre Maguire's mouth, ever. So why not take advantage of such a rare moment? My pitch to Mr. Clean would be simple. Luke Schenn is strong, durable and rubs dirt off the boards. The kid is so impressive he sells himself. I'll still take my 10% cut though. Jason "Smith & Wesson" Blake

If you're unfamiliar with Smith & Wesson, you are probably Canadian or a peace loving hippie. S&W are the largest manufacturer of handguns in the United States. Right off the bat, there's a noticeable resemblance between the two, they're both made in the USA! You want to stop somebody dead in their tracks? Pop them a couple of times in the chest with 9mm. Well, Blake's accuracy is just as outstanding. He never seems to have any trouble hitting goalies square in the chest. SOLD! Lee "Scotch Invisible Tape" Stempniak

There are times when you need when you need visible tape; like when you're painting your house. Then there times when you really wish you had some invisible tape; like when you break your glasses and need a quick fix. Well, I can't think of a more invisible player in the NHL than Lee Stempniak. I can't really tell you what he brings to the table because I don't even notice him on. There's been a rumour circulating around that the Ann/Annhog/Who?/Egg character from Arrested Development was actually based on our buddy Lee. Colton "Trojan Magnum" Orr

Colton Orr was brought in for his size and his ability to protect his teammates. True, Burke probably didn't need an enforcer that big, I mean Tie Domi wasn't exactly huge, but like most men, he felt the need to over compensate. Mike "Firestone" van Ryn

While one is made of black rubber and the other is known to hit black rubber, they are both known to explode under pressure. Now Firestone probably won't be happy with van Ryn if he's on the shelf all the time. Well that's okay, we'll have an open clause in their contract where they can jump from player to player. Once van Ryn is on the DL, we can assign the name to Colaiacovo, Gaborik, Havlat and many other viable candidates around the league. If van Ryn is willing, we can also infuse Firestone rubber into his bones and watch him wipe out when making sharp turns. Wayne "Tampax" Primeau

Tampax is probably the most famous brand of tampons available and why not? They're proven and dependable (I would only assume). Wayne Primeau is basically the tampon to the NHL's vag. He's not exactly a player somebody would want on their team, I would straight up call him a plug. When the game is going at too quick of a place, I'm sure Ron Wilson won't hesitate to throw him on the ice to stop the flow of the game. As far as stopping leaks, I guess we'll see how much of a pounding his face can take. Jeff "Hermes" Finger

Now I don't know how many of the visitors that visit my blog are female, but if you are, you probably knew exactly what that picture was of while most of us males were left scratching our heads. It is a Hermes Feu2Dou Canvas bag and it costs around $5,650. It's expensive, not flashy and you can get a bag from Walmart that serves the same purpose for $56.50. Sound familiar?

Now in case this idea ever gains momentum, I started it first and I fully expect a cut from every deal made!

Picnic Food Party Fear

Chances are if you know me you'll know that I have all these dumb phobias about dumb things. Like hair dressers, foreign coffee shops and parties.

Parties are bad because you have figure out the appropriate dress code (casual, smart-casual, semi-formal, formal, dress-up), the appropriate gift policy and the appropriate time of arrival.

On Saturday I had to go to an engagement party afternoon tea picnic. That caused me particular stress because while you can usually figure out what to wear to an engagement party (smart-casual) if it's in a park, that's a little bit harder. Were it a barbecue, you'd know you could probably go casual. But afternoon tea? Not so sure.

Then there was the problem that the invitation told us to bring some food to share. Now this always scares me. This scares me worse than clothes and gifts. Firstly I can't cook. I can't bake cupcakes, I can't make sandwiches, and I don't do scones and jam. Second, what do people eat for afternoon tea anyway? I never have afternoon tea or if I do it looks remarkably like last night's dinner.

So I ended up going to the shops wandering the isles, feeling stressed and imagining everyone laughing at me when I turn up with the wrong thing. I ended up opting for Doritos and salsa. I stressed a bit about the fact that you can't serve Doritos at a party straight out of a packet and I did have a bowl. Plus no one who's worried about their image eats corn chips for afternoon tea, it's just not done. But I decided that corn chips were better than muesli bars, which was my other supermarket option.

As I drove to the party I continued to worry about the Doritos and how they weren't cupcakes (probably the ultimate afternoon-tea party food). When I arrived I had decided to leave my food in the car, wander over to the party, and then if the table looked like it needed some Doritos and dip I'd say "Oh, I forgot get my food out of the car" and the go and get it. This cunning plan would save me the public scorn from providing inferior food.

In the end the table was well stocked with food, even Doritos, so I just quietly slipped into the party in the hopes that no one would notice that I didn't contribute anything. I never went back to the car for the Doritos. I thought by that stage that the embarrassment of having to put food on the table late would be worse than having brought no food at all, especially when I was pretty sure no one noticed that I was stingy.

The upside to all this however, was that I could take the Doritos to the Church picnic the next day, so I did and they got squashed by a ball. Success!

It's hard going to parties sometimes.

Growth Sector

In the ten jobs to apply for this fortnight (which I did in one week), I had four to apply for today. Of the four I applied for, two were to do work with people with disabilities. Those two both have contacted me to make interview times with me. Which leads me to think three things:

1) The disabilities sector may be fairly desperate for people right now.
2) Adopting Hannah could have be a very foresighted career move on the part of my family on my behalf.
3) Why didn't I start applying for these jobs earlier?

Plus there are one or two other possibilities floating around at the moment, so it's nice that this quiet season might be coming an end.

Preacher

We had a guest preacher at church last night. I had been looking forward to him all week. I had heard people tell me he was good. I think I may have even listened to him online.

He preached on Jeremiah 1. You don't often hear people preach on Jeremiah. But this guy knew Jeremiah well. He told us to be obedient to God's call and that our excuses are never good enough for God.

I was challenged. He did well. I wasn't disappointed. He can come back.

NY JUDGE CONVICTED OF EXTORTION, BRIBERY CHARGES

Albany Times Union

Former New York Supreme Court Judge Thomas J. Spargo (above) was convicted Thursday of trying to extort lawyers with cases in his court and solicit a $10,000 bribe, the Albany Times Union reports.

The newspaper described it this way:

“Spargo kept his composure after the verdict, hugging one teary-eyed supporter and smiling in the face of a conviction that will cost him his law license and two fines of $250,000. But the bespectacled lawyer's outlook and distinguished appearance now only contrast allegations the federal government proved in less than a week: That he not-so-subtly tried to shake down personal injury lawyers for tens of thousands of dollars like a common extortionist.”

On the other hand, Spargo’s defense attorney stated:

"This is a sad outcome for someone who was a superb judge, superb lawyer and superb human being Asked why Spargo was convicted, the attorney said, "You'll have to talk to the jury about that."

What do we think?

Superb lawyer and judge--perhaps, but with one tiny flaw: He is a crook. We reserve comment on the human being part.


Related:

Ex-NY Judge Convicted of Trying to Shake Down Lawyers (ABA J)

Former N.Y. Judge Convicted of Attempted Extortion and Soliciting Bribes (Law.com)

Good

Cadbury Dairy Milk is going Fairtrade. Applause.

Dog leg

I saw a man walking along with a three legged dog today. The dog was hobbling along in typical three-legged dog fashion. A woman also walking a dog (with four legs) went over to him and pointed to the dog and said something. The man stopped and got the dog to lie down. As I walked past him he was checking the dog's single front paw looking concerned. I wanted to say to him "I don't think that's the leg you should be worried about."

I didn't though, just in case the guy already knew.

Help Me Pick Out My Leafs Jersey

If you know me personally, you are aware of my bad luck when it comes to Leafs jerseys. I bought a Mogilny jersey during his second season with the Leafs only to have him get injured for basically the entire season. The very next season he played for the Devils River Rats.

My other jersey is a Sundin which I purchased when the Reebok Edge jerseys came out. Needless to say, I didn't get much mileage out of that either.

With two defunct Leafs jerseys, I feel a new one is due. For once, I would like to own one of a player who would be active for more than one season but with all the new additions to this year's line up, whose name and number should I get? Well, Barilkosphere, if we've learned anything over the past couple of days, it's that everybody loves a good vote. With that said, let's head to the polls!

Meet The Candidates:

Luke Schenn

Campaign: I bring hits and lots of them. I don't mind the fisticuffs and won't have a problem protecting the homeless. I will be a staple on the blue line for many years to come and will one day Captain this team. Vote Schenn because I. AM. OLAS!!!1

Opposition's rebuttal: A glorious choice indeed but seeing as he will be the future captain, you will need to update his jersey once he gets the C. You might as well wait for him to be named captain before picking one up.

Mikhail Grabovski

Campaign: I score, yes? I Belarusian, we crazy, yes? I Habs killer, yes? Vote me, yes? Free vodka for everybody.

Opposition's rebuttal:
Nazem Kadri

Campaign: Can you think of a better endorsement from Burkie than "Is that the kid you want? Well we're going to take him."Forget Luke Schenn, I'm the future! Schenn ain't scoring no goals. Vote Kadri for an optimistic future.

Opposition's Rebuttal: Sure, Kadri can light it up in the OHL but can he produce at an NHL level? He's still young. It's entirely possible that he could bust prematurely.


Jiri Tlusty

Campaign: Father give me tip, I...how to say...nervous no more. I play AHL good. Bring game to NHL level. I penetrate defence. I like to score. Vote Tlusty for hard play, your vote will not get the shaft.

Opposition's Rebuttal: Yes, Jiri. We can see that you like to score.

Vernon Wells' stroke in clutch situations saves the day again

Tomas Kaberle

Campaign: 4 time all-star, shooting accuracy champion, amongst the league leader in points by defencemen every year. The credentials really speak for themselves. Vote Kaberle if you're looking for results!

Opposition's Rebuttal: Remember the last time you got a jersey of an older veteran who's contract was almost up? Yeah, that's what I thought. I know you're not ballsy enough to do it again.

Francois Beauchemin

Campaign: See this? I don't skate on ice, I wear that shit, bitches. Bling bling, muthafucka. How many other players on our team has one of these? I will delegate Defence Minister duties to my left hand. Vote Beachemin or I will fuck you up like I did Kopecky.

Opposition's Rebuttal: He's coming off of a major knee injury. Who knows how well he'll play during his three year contract. What if he turns out to be the second coming of Aki Berg?

Mike Komisarek

Campaign: As you can see in the video, I have a lot of experience exterminating pests. With all the city strikes in Toronto, looks like that skill will be much needed. If that's not enough to convince you then just look at me. I'm so ridiculously handsome that it would be a crime not to vote for me. Vote Komisarek. I'll take out the trash and look good doing it.


Opposition's Rebuttal: Let's see here. We have Komisarek for fives year. We play the Bruins six times a season...you multiply the six, carry the one...that's 30 times during the term of his contract not including playoffs. Lucic will kill him before those fives years are up. Don't waste your money!

Jonas Gustavsson

Campaign: 42 games played, 1.96 GAA with a .932 Save % in the regular season. 10 games played, 1.03 GAA with a .961 save % and 5 shut outs in the PLAYOFFS!!!1 Though it wasn't the NHL, the SEL is nothing to scoff at. I recall another goalie from the SEL making the transition pretty nicely. Vote Gustavsson if you're tired of sub .900 save % from your goalies!

Opposition's Rebuttal: Jonas Hoglund plays in the SEL. Is this the competition this guy is facing? Wait for him to get a taste of the NHL before getting excited. Sure he could be the next Lundqvist but what if he's more like the next Trevor Kidd?

Well those are the candidates. If you're voting other then please leave a name in the comments. All entries will be carefully examined as long as it isn't a jersey foul. Time to make your vote count!*

*All vote results are subject to change in the event of martial law.

Which jersey should I get?

• 
  
  Luke Schenn


• 
  
  Mikhail Grabovski


• 
  
  Nazem Kadri


• 
  
  Jiri Tlusty


• 
  
  Tomas Kaberle


• 
  
  Mike Komisarek


• 
  
  Jonas Gustavsson


• 
  
  Screw the young guys, let's pay homage to a legend


• 
  
  Other

view results
Free vote poll

Productive Day

I had a very productive day today. I had holographic peace talks with Kim Jong Il. We talked about sailing, this unseasonable weather and the musical Cats.

We're working towards a better world.

Still A Little Longer Till I Get the Funny Hat

I thought I was going to finish college this semester but I sent an email to the registrar to make sure, and he wrote back and said that after this semester I still have one more subject to go. Ah, shame.

But when I asked him what I have to do he said TH403, which is a theology subject. So it turns out, I'm not disappointed at all. I love theology. I'll happily spend another six months at college for theology. I might even get to buy some more big books. Woo!

Now I have to find out what Theology subject it is. I'm guessing it's "Holy Spirit, Grace and Hope" but that's just a guess.

The Postman is My Friend

Just got a sweet cheque and a late group certificate in the post. Thank you Jesus, the riches are coming!

The Day I Met My Hero

As somebody who grew up in the 90's, I absolutely adored this man. He is not only my favourite goalie of all time, but my favourite Leaf of all time. When my friends and I went out for recess, we didn't have to stick the fat kid in net; everybody was fighting to be The Cat for those 15 minutes. Though his play started diminishing in the mid-90's, I was and will always be in denial about it. In true eyebleaf fashion, I still believe in Felix Potvin!!!1

Needless to say, I was quite disappointed when The Leafs signed Curtis Joseph because I knew that meant Felix was gone. Though my heart wept, I had to carry on. I will always remember his lightning quick glove hand and this save



I remember being awe-struck when I saw this save. The next day everybody talked about it at school. I even tried it during our recess ball hockey game which was played on pavement. I was not a smart child...and I don't think I made the stop either.

After Felix was traded, I've always wanted him to do well and wished to see him amongst the league leaders in goalie stats. It never did quite happen. After the lock out, he just seemed to have disappeared. I don't remember an official retirement or anything.

It wasn't for another three years that I would hear of him again. He was going to be at an autograph signing at the Toronto Sports Card Expo. As soon as I heard the news, I took the day off work and started working on making some hockey cards for him to sign.

On the day of November 9, 2007, I finally got to meet him. The line up was quite lengthy but I have stood in line for cheaper thrills (like rides at Wonderland). As I was inching closer, I got butterflies in my stomach and my palms started to sweat. Now I don't usually get star-struck. Most of the time I don't even give a shit about celebrities but this was different, this guy was my hero. When I finally got to him, we shook hands and he asked me how I was doing. My mind was scattered and the best I could come up with was "Great, how have you been?" He told me he was doing well and asked what I wanted him to sign. I took the hockey cards I made out of my pocket and he seemed genuinely excited about them. His reaction was "Cool. I don't remember ever signing these." I told him that I made them and made an extra copy for him too in case he collected those sorts of things. He told me that I did a great job on them and thanked me for the gift.

I wish I got more out of that exchange but I really didn't know what to say. It was only after, when the blood returned to my brain, that I would regret not asking him what he liked about playing here or if he sees himself doing something in hockey now that he's retired. Though the whole thing might have only lasted a minute or two, it will forever be in my memory, just like that diving stop against the Blackhawks.



What's a tribute to this great man without this video? Yes, Philly broadcasters. Hextall really got the best of that one. Go Flyers!

PWNED!

Pink Lemonade

In follow up to the last post: We did meet at the pub, he wasn't over 18 and I bought him pink lemonade. As you can see he was pretty angry I wouldn't buy him Jägerbombs.

Punking the Punks

I currently typing this offline. My internet has a problem with working after about midnight these days. As does the light in my room. It works fine during the day, switch it on at night, nada.

Tomorrow (today) I'm going to have lunch with a guy from my old youth group. He organised to meet me at the pub. He's not 18 yet, not for another two weeks or so. Sneaky bugger. It's probably a set up and he's wearing a hidden camera for Today/Tonight. They're going to be doing a story on corruption in the church. "Ex-Youth Minister takes ex-youth out for under-age drink." Well, I'm not going to be fooled that easy. No sir. I'm going to teach the kid a lesson. The only drink he'll be drinking tomorrow is pink lemonade. He's not allowed within 2 metres of the bar which means I'm buying. Pink lemonade punk! That's what you get for trying to punk a pastor.

If he gives me any cheek I'll lock him in the car with the windows up and go play the pokies.

Ladies Man!

I just did the "how many people want to [colourful euphemism] you?" quiz on Facebook. This was my result:



Classy.

District 9

I went and saw District 9 the other night. I was looking forward to it. Some people, like Harry Knowles, have said it's the best sci-fi of the new millennium and raved about it's ground breaking take on the sci-fi genre. Other people, like Chris Morphew, said that it didn't live up to the thinky-apartheid hype and was more about blowing things up that dealing with issues.

Frankly, I was happy for either blowing stuff up or issues. If there could be both...perfect.

Well for me, there was both. The first half of the film was shot like a documentary about alien injustice. And I was hooked from the beginning. I cared about the issues. I wanted to be out there protesting for alien rights. I was angry about MNU conspiracy and the abuse of sentient beings. I wanted justice. Free Mandela!

And then the second half gave way to awesome alien-versus-elite-private-military-versus-gang-lord violence. There were guns, explosions and people splattering all over the place. And half a movie of emotional set up left me with no doubt who to cheer for. I was jittery in my seat with the excitement.

The main character is the kinda guy who is so selfish and unpleasant for most of the film you just want to punch him out. That fact that he's the only hope for the aliens means you're not sure whether the like him or hate him. It was good bit of conflict they created.

In the end the film left me feeling both a disgust at injustice and the thrill of seeing some fantastic action. It left me feeling similar to how I felt about Taken.

I was well impressed by District 9. I want to see it again.

‘AWESOME’ DEATH CASE VIDEO FROM SUPREME COURT

This rare SCOTUS video provides an insightful glimpse into how our Supreme Court views capital punishment—via Above the Law.



Supreme Court Rules Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'

LA LAWYER ARRESTED BY FBI IN PERJURY FOR CASH SCHEME

The Tanned-One

Alfred N. Villalobos, Esq.—who may have the most incredible tan in the world—was arrested in Century City after he allegedly agreed to accept $107,000 cash to counsel his client to lie in an upcoming federal grand jury proceeding investigating immigration fraud, the Los Angeles Times blog LA Now reports.

Villalobos, whose tan is said to make George Hamilton look anemic in comparison, was arrested and charged with obstruction of a grand jury proceeding after he accepted more than $50,000 in cash as the first half of his payment in the scheme.

Villalobos allegedly told another attorney that his client would lie about his involvement and knowledge of the case in exchange for the money. But—and this was extremely bad luck for the Tanned-One—the other attorney was already cooperating with the FBI as a confidential informant and was wired for sound when the money changed hands.

According to the State Bar of California, Villalobos—who has been a lawyer since 1997—was suspended for 30 days in 2004 for failing to pay a client’s share of a $14,000 personal injury settlement for over 12 months after Villalobos received the funds.

Villalobos, who had recently relocated to Lake Tahoe, will not be enjoying the good life after all. He will, however, have plenty of time to work on his tan while in federal custody.

It’s something.

Lawyer Arrested for Accepting Cash in Exchange for Promise to Tamper with Grand Jury Witness Testimony (FBI News Release)

Went up the F3

Yesterday I went to Newcastle. I went to do some filming for Soul Survivor with Geldo and the world's most famous Christian named Fuzz. Geldo was excited to tell me that he'd got me an HD camera. He did. It was a still SLR camera which also shot video at full HD. It was interesting. It meant the lens was lovely, but the functionality was terrible and you couldn't attach an external mic and the internal one was probably terrible. Plus I felt a bit dumb when Matt (Geldo) would send me off to film some Novacastrian youth worker and I'd pull out the camera and they'd say "You're filming me with that?"

Still I had fun, I like filming. I got to spend a lot of the day by myself travelling around the city filming stuff. I enjoyed that. I also ate noodles.

In the car home Geldo and Fuzz both gave me quotes for the blog. This time I don't have to pretend they're mine. That's nicer.

Pith Part Two

"If being a teenager is all about building castles in the sky then adulthood is all about building ladders to get there."

and

"If Newcastle is to remain new it must be renewed."

The Best Chicken Wings #7: St. Louis Bar & Grill

Here's another entry for all you gluttons out there. This is my second wings entry and it was one I was very excited to try. A few days after I posted my All-Stars Wings & Ribs review, stlouisatrium started following me on Twitter. I don't know how they found me, nor did I care. It just seemed like fate and if fate was going to lead me to their delicious wings then so be it. I've never been to St. Louis Bar & Grill before but I do recall these commercials that The Fan 590 used to air a few years ago where St. Louis claimed that through blind taste tests, they have the best wings in Toronto. Needless to say, the hypetrain was going full speed.

I logged into Twitter, holla'd at stlouisatrium and told them I was coming for lunch that day and he replied.


Sweet, they had a promotion too! Fate is one sexy bitch, my friend.

Location: 5/5

The St. Louis Bar & Grill I went to is located inside The Atrium on Bay (I know there's a few of them). The Atrium is across from Eaton Centre and the actual restaurant is right across from Spring Rolls. The location is great. It is basically right in the middle of downtown Toronto and you're pretty much there once you get off at Dundas station. Sure, there may be a few homeless people in the area, but doesn't that give it an authentic St. Louis feel?


Taste: 2/5

I went to St. Louis with two co-workers and the first thing I noticed was that they served Dos Equis. I've never tried Dos Equis before but I'm a sucker for good advertising so we got a bucket. I thought it would taste like Corona, Sol and other similar Mexican beers but it didn't. It was rather crisp, albeit light and went down easy. It's a satisfying patio beer but nothing I would buy for the house. While we were becoming the most interesting men in the world, we took a look at the menus. St. Louis has a total of 13 flavours on their menu (unlike All-Star wings and their billion flavours) and none of them had names that were double entendres! This would make picking a flavour that much easier. We all decided to get a different flavour to get a good idea where their wings were at. We ordered a serving each of Hot & Honey, Hot and Authentic Buffalo.

Hot - This was the flavour I ordered. It wasn't hot at all. They don't even taste like they are meant to be hot. They were just very salty.

Authentic Buffalo - This tasted slightly like the "hot" wings I ordered but with more of a buffalo flavour. They weren't spicy and again was too salty for my liking.

Hot & Honey - Sticking with their theme, this flavour was more sweet than it was hot. Actually, like the other two, it wasn't hot at all. Though the sweet tanginess is what makes this flavour what it is. I thought it was the best of the ones we got.

As for the wings itself. They were a bit small and were dry; almost as if they were overcooked. I was disappointed to say the least.

The saving grace of the visit is the packet of dill sauce they include with your order! I used it for my fries and it was delicious. If you do make the trip, you may want to ask for extra because you won't be able to get enough of it (though each extra packet costs $0.50).

Value: 1.5/5

As I've previously written, getting wings anywhere will usually put a dent in your wallet but the wings at St. Louis Bar & Grill are small, mediocre tasting and already over $1 per wing before taxes. The 9 piece wings combo is $10.45 and the 18 piece wings combo is $19.95. The combos do come with fries and a packet of dill sauce, but I didn't see anything for just wings on their menu.

But wait, they have deals, don't they? I mean, you just read the tweet earlier on my page that if I mentioned it and got a large drink, I would get a free regular order of wings. Well, when I brought it up with the waitress, she had no idea what I was even talking about. When I asked to talk to Manu (less than a half hour after his tweet asking me to say hi), he wasn't in. Go figure.

Verdict: 2 Poo-Holes out of 5

St. Louis...Poo-holes, get it?

I have to say that St. Louis Bar & Grill was rather disappointing considering that they have a reputation for solid wings. I've had better wings at more commercial franchises like Shoeless Joe's and Jack Astors. The fact that their own employees weren't aware of promotion offers via twitter seemed rather dubious. It wasn't all bad though. Their fries and dill sauce were very good and I heard good things about their ribs as well. They are also becoming a Raptors spot (though I've read this on their twitter so who knows if this is true) so they may be a decent place to catch a Raps game at. However, if you're just craving for wings, I would advise going elsewhere to satisfy those cravings.

Power and Grace

I went out for dinner last night with my churchies. I only had $5. I did mention this while people were making decisions but the people who heard it didn't seem that concerned. I also didn't say it very loud. I'm not sure that imposing my poverty on a group is really that friendly.

We ended up at a pizza and pasta place where the cheapest pizza was $16.50. I could however afford garlic bread. But Loz and Will were sitting opposite me and they both offered to cover my costs. This was most kind of them.

I ordered a Hawaiian pizza. When all our meals came it turned out that me and the guy next to me were the only people who had ordered a whole pizza. Everyone else was sharing. That was a little embarrassing. The poorest guy orders the biggest meal.

I made sure I ate the whole pizza to justify the buying of it. I felt a little full, but you have to keep up appearances. Though it may have looked a little like: "The poor guy never gets to eat. Look at how he ate the whole pizza. It's probably the first thing he's eaten all week."

The whole process of having my whole dinner brought for me was rather stressful. I don't like having people pay for stuff for me. I'm rather independent and I like being independent. To be at the stage where to eat like everyone else you need other people to pay for you is not independence. At least not when they actually pay for you. If I really wanted to be independent I could have just gone home, or bought the garlic bread or shopped at Woolies and sat outside the restaurant with my $5 worth of Fantastic Noodles.

But having things bought for you is good for you. I've always advocated that as Christians what just as important as learning to show grace is learning to accept grace. I've talked about it often. I may have blogged about it, I definitely preached about it.

I've always felt that we need to learn not to argue when people offer to buy stuff for us, to pay for our drink, or do us a favour. Not to say "I'll pay you back", "I'll get the next round", "I owe you one". Just to say "Thank you."

And I was getting alright at that. At least at not arguing too much. And just accepting. Although I'd often say things like "I'll pay for you next time." just to make myself feel better.

But last night caused me much more consternation. I think the problem we have with accepting grace is the power imbalance it creates. The one giving grace is the powerful one, the person receiving it is the weak one. We love to show grace, to pay for things, to shout drinks, because it feels good, it is good and we look good. But when we accept grace we can look weak, poor, and dependant. We don't like to be people who can't look after themselves.

In the past when people have paid for stuff, I've accepted it. Often it's ok because it's been part of my quest to understand grace better by accepting grace better. But I've also been able to rationalise it in my head and think to myself "I could have paid for that if I needed to" or "I didn't need that but it's a nice gift." I have been able to reduce the power imbalance in my head so that taking grace has not been so humbling.

But last night was different. The was no way to talk myself out of it. I have no way of paying back people. I had no way of paying for my dinner. I have no spare money in bank accounts. I literally had $5 in my wallet and $3 in the bank. I cannot say "I'll pay next time" or "I'll pay you back" (Though at one stage I did say a feeble "When I'm rich I'll take you guys out to dinner"), because I don't know if I will be able to do either of those. The power imbalance was real. I was powerless, they were powerful. It wasn't just an exercise in politeness or learning about grace. It was just me having to accept other people doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. There was no pretence in this grace. I really am just poor (relatively) and to do life with my friends I need help.

And that bugged me. I want to be strong. I want to be self-sufficient. I want grace to be a lifestyle choice not a necessity.

But having to accept grace on other people's terms is good for me. Because grace isn't really that impressive when the grace your shown you could have done for yourself.

The gospel is not about a God who knew we could rescue ourselves but thought he'd just save us the effort. It's not a polite exchange between equals. The power imbalance is real and eternal. We have no way of saving ourselves. Our sin is too great, our goodness too impotent. We are totally in need of God's forgiveness and redemption because we can never attain them ourselves. In Jesus' death and resurrection he pays the way because we are totally spiritually and morally bankrupt. Our only hope is Jesus.

We need to learn to accept grace not as people who choose it because it's the best option available but because it's the only choice we have. We do not come to God as equals but desperate paupers. The only status we have beyond that is status that has been bestowed upon us by the grace of God who gives us every spiritual blessing in Christ.

And that is what I learnt about last night through my Hawaiian pizza. Grace hurts because it humbles us. But grace is amazing because it saves us.

Thanks for the pizza folks.

Quote of the Evening

Them: Who was Michelangelo?
Him: A painter.
Them: What did he paint?
Him: He painted the sixteenth channel.

Abs

I love this ad on Facebook for getting buff.

They've just ripped this picture of Edward Norton off American History X and cropped it.

"Get great abs, become a neo-Nazi."

Ma and Pa

"Argh." These are my parents. I like them.

I stole the photo off my Mum's current Facebook photo uploading extravaganza. Thanks Ma.

How to get Americans to Embrace Hockey

Gary Bettman has been pretty focused on one thing ever since becoming the NHL commissioner; selling the game to Americans. What if I told you he's been doing it all wrong? Forget about the teams in the Southern states; let's bring teams back to Quebec, Winnipeg and damnit, let's give Balsillie his team to put in Hamilton. Forget that Americans don't like fighting; let's remove the instigator so we can see more donnybrooks. Forget the shoot out; hockey's a team game. You want to know what the saving grace for hockey will be in the states? FAKE REFEREES!!!

Let me be the pitcher tonight, I caught last night

The Blues Jays gets about the same amount of coverage in the states as hockey does. There has only been two instances this season where they received American mainstream media coverage: Roy Halladay possibly getting traded at the deadline and the fake umpires. The fake umps have had articles written about them, they got their own Sportscentre piece and even the Yankees gave them free tickets to do their thing in Yankee stadium. If there's one thing to be learned here it's that Americans absolutely love it when a couple of douchebags dress up as umpires. So why wouldn't this work for hockey?


The attire is pretty standard. You need a striped ref shirt, black pants, a black hockey helmet, a whistle and the orange armbands to separate you from the linesmen.

However, differentiating what should be a penalty and what shouldn't be a penalty can be pretty difficult with the way the game has changed since the lockout. The following is a guide with some of the more common penalties for you to print out to bring to games so you will know when to get right up to the glass, blow your whistle and call two minutes for high sticking.

Interference/Obstruction: I will start you off with one of the most common penalties in the game today. This penalty is supposed to be called when Player A interferes with Player B when Player B doesn't have the puck, hence interference. However, in recent years, I have also learned that this is also the universal signal for "I don't know what the penalty is but I think one should be called". Remember this one, you will be using it a lot.

High-Sticking: This penalty should be called when Player A's stick is above their shoulder and clips Player B. Very often, a high-stick will draw blood which is an extra two minutes for the offender. History shows that this penalty is not called in playoff games when a star player commits it, no matter how bad the other guy bleeds.

Tripping: This penalty is called when Player A uses his body or stick to trip Player B. If Player B embellishes it, then it appears that you must call both the trip and the dive, never just the dive alone.

Holding: You will call this when Player A takes a hand off the stick and grabs Player B to restrain them or to slow their progress. This is probably the easiest penalty to call. Just look for the guy who immediately drops his stick and puts up his arms when you look at them.

Hooking: This is called when Player A uses his stick to restrain Player B. You know it is a hook when Player A lets go of his stick and the stick is still trapped under Player B's arm. That's how tight the hook is. It will take the jaws of life to pry it from Player B.

Spearing: When Player A stabs Player B with his stick. This is an automatic 5 minute penalty but as the ref, you can let them off easy when Player A promises to giggle for you after the game.

Slashing: When Player A swings his stick at Player B and makes contact. This penalty is not only called when it is stick on body. It is also called upon stick on stick contact. You should blow your whistle and call this anytime you see a broken stick on the ice because it must take a vicious slash to break one of those technologically advanced sticks nowadays.

Roughing: This penalty is called when Player A punches Player B (usually in the head or face) when the two are not in a fight. Roughing can also be called when two players get into a fight and one player doesn't throw a punch. The winner will get 5 for fighting and the punching bag will get a roughing minor for roughing up the winner's knuckles.

Elbowing: This penalty is called when Chris Pronger extends his elbow to meet his opponent's face.

Cross-Checking: This is called when Player A uses the shaft of his stick to forcefully check Player B. It appears that professional referees will let this slide up to 4 times. It won't be a penalty until the player does it 5 times in a row.

Unsportsmanlike Conduct: This is called when a player chirps at the referee or acts like a soccer player. There is one exception to this rule. Any ref who calls unsportsmanlike on Crosby will be fined an undisclosed amount.

Boarding: You call this penalty anytime a player's back is facing a Montreal Canadien.

Those are some of the more common penalties you will see in a game.

If you have a friend who wants to join in the mix, they can gladly be the linesman. The linesman's job is to call the icings, the offsides and to break up fights. That last part will be key when fake reffing in Philadelphia.


Well, I did my part. If you want hockey to blow up in America then the rest is up to you. Put on that zebra shirt, strap on that hockey helmet, only you can help fill up the seats at the Jobing.com arena in Phoenix.

Now remember, real refs don't take days off so you shouldn't either. Feeling tired, maybe you missed a call or two? Well, that's okay. The good thing about reffing an NHL game is that you won't be penalized for missed calls if you can lie about being screened on the play. You know, because it's not like there's anybody who can prove you wrong or anything.

JUDGES BEHAVING BADLY: CAUGHT ON CAMERA FLATTENING TIRE IN COURTHOUSE PARKING LOT

(Stock photo—not the actual judge or the actual deflated tire)

The phrase “power corrupts” has become so cliché as to lose its meaning.

But several stories we have recently posted show how some that become anointed with power in our society (e.g. judges) can engage in some despicable petty abuses of power, including the Denver judge who illegally parked in a handicapped parking space, then threatened to have a wheelchair bound lawyer arrested if she did not move out of his way, as well as the Texas judge caught on camera keying a neighbor's car.

We are now less than happy to report a new low in the petty abuse of judicial power: a Maryland Judge who, unhappy that a lowly member of the courthouse staff (who was probably at work before the judge in question was even awake, and often works late hours making it dangerous for her to park further away from the courthouse) snagged an open-to-the-public, but close in parking space, let the air out of the poor working woman's tire—the Washington Post reports.

According to the newspaper:

“Two county sheriff's jail officers said they saw Circuit Court Judge Robert C. Nalley letting the air out of the back right tire of a 2004 Toyota Corolla parked just outside the La Plata courthouse about 3:45 p.m. Monday, according to the two sources.

“One of the officers used his cellphone camera to photograph or videotape the judge, said the sources, who asked not to be identified because the probe is ongoing.

***
“Jean Washington, the owner of the Toyota, said in an interview that she had just entered the courthouse for her work shift when a sheriff's deputy alerted her, "Jean, you need to move your car. Judge Nalley's
going to let the air out of it."

"Washington, 51, said she rushed out and moved her car to a different parking lot, farther from the courthouse. When she pulled into another parking spot, another sheriff's deputy told her that her rear passenger tire was flat, Washington said.

""I was just about in tears," Washington said. "I wasn't so upset at the fact my tire was flat -- it was who did it. I'm still in shock."

“The first parking spot has no markers indicating that it or any spot is reserved for Nalley or anyone else, Washington said. She said a sign near those spots says, "Restricted Parking Only."

"Washington said no one had ever told her she could not park in that area, which is a short walk from the courthouse.

“Washington said she prefers to park there because her work shift ends at night, and other parking areas would require her to walk a longer distance to her car.”

If hiz honor is convicted of this petty abuse of power, we do not believe that he should do jail time, but rather community service—cleaning the poor worker’s home and babysitting her kids until he works off his shame.

Then and only then should the MD judicial governing authorities defrock this jerk for willful criminal conduct as well as conduct undermining the public’s confidence in the judiciary.

Now, Judge Nalley, get your shine box.

Just Walk Across the Street

We're doing a series on Just Walk Across the Room at church at the moment. On Monday night I went to a Bible study about living in 3D. (I can't remember what the three Ds stand for. Dedication, Dieting and Dogmatics perhaps.) We watched a video of Bill Hybels sitting on a wharf surrounded by yachts talking about evangelism while wearing bad glasses. He told us stories of converting people while racing yachts, which felt was a little bit incongruous with the majority of Christians in the world. At least it wasn't "Mega-Church Pastor converts CEOs while playing polo and racing Porches."

But aside from the video we were given the task of talking to the people in our group about our neighbours. We had to write in our book the names of our neighbours, whether we'd had a meaningful conversation with them, what they did for a job and whether they were Christians or not. I didn't write a list because I had a borrowed book. But if I did write a list, I realised I would have known the name of one of our neighbours. And I only know that because he came and talked to Jenny after she called the police when an angry man started smashing their windows when they weren't home. I've never talked to him personally. I wave at the people behind us when I see them and say "Hello" when the Mum and daughter come home from school, but that's about it. I've been in our place almost a year and I haven't had a conversation with one of our neighbours. That's pretty poor.

Yesterday I had a coffee with Geldo and he was telling me about a guy he knows who church planted where all they did was meet their neighbours and give them bread and drink tea with them (or something). That sounded pretty friendly to me.

I'm a big fan of "community". I'm just not that good at it. I think I want to do better. The introvert in me would love to just continue my comfortable existence. But I feel like that's not exactly the best option. I can't exactly be a blessing to and be blessed by those in my community if I don't know any of them. So I'll try and be on the look out now foropportunities, or excuses, to meet my neighbours. And if anyone has any good ideas, feel free to share.

Mad

I've been watching Mad Men lately. It's a very good show. I'm only 8 episodes into Season 1, but I'm loving it. It's so idyllic looking with so much messiness and horrid behaviour just beneath the surface. It's kinda like watching Revolutionary Road in slow motion. While Kate and Leo screamed and threw stuff at each other, the characters in this just eat away at each other with passive-aggressiveness. The acting is classy and the art direction is amazing. I'm very impressed.

It's not my replacement West Wing. It may even be better made than West Wing but it's totally lacking the optimism of the West Wing. What it's not lacking is Zoe Bartlett (Elisabeth Moss) who plays Peggy, and does a bang up job at it.

I reckon this show's a keeper.

Now I just have to get my hands on The Wire.

Pith

Not all horses have riders but all riders have horses.

The Best Souvlaki & Gyros: The Taste of Danforth Edition

For those of you who don't know, The Taste of Danforth is an annual event held in the heart of Toronto's Greek community. For one weekend in August for the past 16 years, a long strip along Danforth is closed to traffic allowing store owners along that strip to strut out their best souvlaki, gyros, spinach pies and other Greek dishes. The website claims it is Canada's largest street festival and welcomes well over a million visitors.

For the past 15 years, I've never been to The Taste of Danforth and frankly I've never had much of an interest to. I finally decided to check it out this year with a couple of friends (including the foodtographer) and I'm glad I made that decision. Meat on a stick for $3? Wrapped in a pita for $5? Where do I sign up?

Of the 11 restaurants on the best souvlaki & gyros in Toronto list, seven of them were located on Danforth. I knew I wouldn't be able to review all of them but I was going to do the best I can.

The Best Souvlaki & Gyros #2: Messini

Fries can make anything better

Messini was the first stop. They set up a tent and were selling either chicken or pork gyros for $5. I guess everybody else knew of their reputation as well because the line up was pretty long. Thankfully it moved pretty quickly. Once we got to the front of the line and made our order, we were given a ticket based on whether we wanted chicken or pork. We were then moved to the side and workers would instruct you to go to the next available chef. The chef then took a pita, spread tzaziki sauce on it, topped it with tomatos and onions, loaded it with your meat of choice and then crammed some fries in there before wrapping it.

The pita was soft and warm, the chicken was tender and the tzaziki was strong but not overpowering. This was pretty much a full meal and was totally worth the $5 (though I'm not sure how much it is regularly on their menu). Considering the contents and the size of this thing, you definitely will not find it in your weight-watcher's diet but fuck it, you can eat a salad for lunch tomorrow; this gyro is too good to pass up.

The Best Souvlaki & Gyros #1: Astoria

I love this pork souvlaki so much, I want to take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant

Once we were done at Messini, we were off to Astoria. It wasn't hard to spot. Just look for the long ass line. The line started so far back that I couldn't even read what they were offering. Whatever it was, I knew it had to be good and I had to have it. As the line inched forward, I saw what they were selling; Pork Souvlaki for $3. I looked for another sign because there has to be more than this, right? Were they including a pair of Leafs tickets with your purchase or something? There's no way all these people are lining up just for pork souvlaki when every other vendor is selling the same thing. After a good 15-20 minutes in line, we finally got our meat on a stick.

Have you ever had a perfect moment? A moment where all your troubles fade away, a moment that feels so surreal that you question whether it's a fantasy, a moment that you want to live in forever yet if you died right there and then you would be completely content since you have experienced "the moment". For many it could be a first kiss? Their wedding? The birth of their child? Well for me, it was my first bite of this pork souvlaki. The pork was seasoned to perfection and the texture is what meat lovers dream of. It was crunchy on the outside which trapped its juices on the inside. The meat itself was tender and juicy. It was definitely love at first bite! I do regret getting this because how will I ever be content with eating meat again after having this? It's hard to believe that meat can be this good. My only explanation is that they sprinkled their pork with crack before cooking it.


The Biggest Regret: Blackstone

Ever wonder what a kangaroo burger looked like? Exactly like a regular burger!

Now I don't know about you but I love trying weird, exotic meats. I mean if somebody on the other side of the world loves it, then why wouldn't I? This has led to some regretful choices (fox, ostrich and snail to name a few). Well, yesterday I added another mammal to that list; Kangaroo. Blackstone was serving kangaroo burgers for $4 and the curiosity just got the best of me and my friend. We ended up splitting one. Do people really eat kangaroo down under? Because this kangaroo burger was just disgusting. The taste is very hard to describe. The patty was more tender than a beef patty but it had a very strong and bold wild flavour to it if you know what I mean. I guess I would compare it to lamb if I had to pick a meat to compare it to and I hate eating lamb too. I didn't end up finishing my half and if you know me, I rarely ever let food go to waste.

The Dessert: Demetres

R.I.P. Top Cone

I don't even know if I can call this dessert since dessert is always served at the end. This is more like "I'm eating ice cream because I am not going to back track all the way here to get dessert when the day is over". Demetres was selling their homemade style ice cream. You could either get a waffle cone for $3 or a scoop in a cup with strawberries for $3. I opted for a cup of Cookeo (cookie dough flavour) because cones are messy. To prove that, the foodtographer got a cone (pictured). The top cone shattered shortly after the picture was taken and her hair ended up dipping into the ice cream. Nice!

The ice cream was just awesome. It was creamy, not too sweet and had a good amount of cookie crumbs. It had a buttery soft consistency yet I wasn't left with a soup when I reached the bottom. I can't think of many more satisfying ways to cool off on a hot summer day.

The Best Souvlaki & Gyros #9: Louis Authentic Gyros and Souvlaki Take-Out

Don't cross the swords!

Now the Louis stand had a bit of everything. They were selling quails for $3, pork or chicken souvlaki for $3 (or 2 for $5), in a pita for $5 and a lot of other stuff as well. I wanted to see how they would measure up to Astoria so I got the pork souvlaki. While the meat was very good and tender, there really wasn't a comparison. The chunks were a lot smaller, the seasoning was a bit salty for my liking and the meat wasn't nice and charred like the souvlaki from Astoria. Now don't get me wrong, it was still a very good souvlaki, Astoria is just that good!

The Best Souvlaki & Gyros #4: Asteria

Astoria > Asteria

My last stop of the day was at Asteria. They were selling chicken or pork on a stick for $3 or in a pita for $5. The line up was moderately long so I figured this place must be pretty good, afterall it is #4 on the list. I have to say, I was a bit disappointed. While the meat had nice and crunchy grill marks, the seasoning was a bit heavy. I found the meat too salty and it left an aftertaste in my mouth. It was far from horrible but I guess since it was #4, I expected more. The chunks of meat were about the same size as Louis' but I prefer Louis' souvlaki over Asteria's. I can imagine a lot of their customers going there thinking it is Astoria only to be left disappointed.

I think I'm going through some sort of Astoria souvlaki withdrawal already. I may need to go next weekend just to satisfy this hunger. If you're looking to go, hit me up in the comments. I'm paying! (This last paragraph only applies if you're a hot single female - Bow Chicka Wow Wow)