Conversation

Them: Do you have a girlfriend?
Me: No
Them: How old are you?
Me: 26
Them: Don't worry, you've got time.

I feel like I have this conversation, or variations on it, around once a week with well meaning middle-aged (or old) women. I wonder what they'll be saying when I'm forty?

Them: Well at least you get to watch plenty of TV.

Honouring The Captain

After 18 seasons in the NHL, Mats Sundin finally hangs em up today. While it was something I already anticipated, I found that it really affected me more than I thought it would...much like his return to Toronto last season.

Not having the fortunes of being brought up in a Leafs (or sports in general) household, I didn't become a Leafs fan until I got introduced to the game of hockey by school mates. I officially fell in love with the Leafs during their '93 and '94 playoff runs. Cue the summer of '94; I was nine, girls had cooties and Wendel Clark was traded for some Swede. I vividly remember the photo of a tearful Wendel on the front page of newspapers. I remember thinking how wrong that photo looked. Wendel was the baddest motherfucker of all time, he doesn't cry! (It wasn't until years later that I would discover how attached one could get to a team) Nine year old me had no clue who Mats Sundin was and I didn't have internet, nevermind a venue like PPP to discuss the trade at. The only thing I remember thinking is that Mats Sundin better be good because he has some big skates to fill.

Sundin didn't disappoint. He donned a funny looking Jofa helmet and led the Leafs in points, scoring at a point a game pace, during the lock-out shortened season. Sundin eventually ditched the Jofa helmet but still led the team in scoring in every season as a Leaf except one. Not only did Mats score, he scored when it mattered. Captain Clutch is tied for the most regular season overtime goals ever and has the most goals in the third period since 2000 (Okay, I'm not sure of the exact year but since I hate looking up stats I'll just assume it's 2000).

Sometimes I wonder how Sundin racked up the amount of points he did playing in the dead puck era. Jagr had Lemieux, Sakic had Forsberg and even Selanne had Kariya. Not once did Sundin get to centre a bonafide stud winger on the Leafs. Sure, he had Mogilny and Roberts at one point but Mogilny was way past his prime and Gary Roberts wasn't the 40-50 goal scoring Gary Roberts, he was a re-born Gary Roberts who came back from retirement due to a neck injury! A list of Sundin's linemates during his tenure with the Leafs would look more like this: Jonas Hoglund, Fredrik Modin, Sergei Berezin, Lonny Bohonas, Steve Thomas, Nik Antropov, Alexei Ponikarovsky, etc. Serviceable NHLers? Yes (some, anyway) but nowhere close to being elite players in the NHL. I have no idea how he put up with that shit but he did. Not once did he complain about the quality of his linemates. Not once did he demand a trade. This just shows the class he exudes and how good he really was to put up as many points as he did.

Jaromir Jagr
Mark Messier
Wayne Gretzky
Steve Yzerman
Joe Sakic

I don't think there's any question that these players are(were) first ballot hall of famers but what else do they have in common? None of them scored 20+ goals for 17 straight seasons. Sundin was able to produce this feat despite a lock out shortened season. This just shows that Sundin is truly a model for consistency and durability. Just imagine his totals if he did have a couple of quality wingers to play with!

Make no mistake about it, Sundin is a Hall of Famer. Now I know what the detractors will say. "Sundin doesn't have any cups to his name!" Well, Borje Salming doesn't have a cup, Marcel Dionne doesn't have a cup, Mike Gartner doesn't have a cup, Brad Park doesn't have a cup and even Ray Bourque wouldn't have had a cup if he didn't go to Colorado for a season and a half. The Stanley Cup argument might be valid for a fringe Hall of Famer but Sundin should be a lock and he has the stats and the international accomplishments to back it up.

-First European drafted 1st overall
-Named to 9 all-star teams
-Over 500 goals and 1,300 points (Only Swede to perform either feats too!)
-A point per game player (again, most of which were in the dead puck era with shit teammates)
-Olympic Gold
-Most over-time goals ever

There really is no debate.

I wasn't able to score tickets to Sundin's return with Vancouver so I'm going to start saving my money for Sundin night. It will be great to see our Captain on the ACC ice one more time. I know the Leafs' stance on retiring numbers but they really should do it for Mats, the greatest Leaf ever.
Take it away, Bob Cole.

LA JUDGE LARRY FIDLER’S ROLE IN QUEERING ’98 POLANSKI SURRENDER

The Roman Polanski sex incident of 1978 is reverberating anew in 2009—with the suspiciously timed Swiss extradition arrest of the Oscar winning director on a Los Angeles County arrest warrant.

But the real story, in our view, does not concern what Polanski did with a minor in Jack Nicholson’s hot tub after the minor’s mother dropped the teen Lolita off to be alone with Polanski (allegedly to obtain money from the famed director by setting him up to be prosecuted ). No, the latest scandal doesn’t concern Polanski’s conviction for having sex with a minor or his fleeing the U.S. for France.

As initially reported last year based on the release of the acclaimed documentary “Roman Polanski, Wanted and Desired”, the documentary (as originally shown) ends with the revelation that in a 1998 meeting of lawyers and the court to arrange for Polanski’s surrender to face-the-music, Judge Larry Paul Fidler wanted a new Polanski hearing to be televised, as a deal point. Polanski was spooked, and the surrender was nixed.

Judge Fidler arguably loves the limelight. As presiding judge, he assigned himself to the recent Phil Spector murder trial, a televised debacle that ended in a mistrial. It was the first celebrity case televised in whole since the O.J. Simpson fiasco in 1995.

Fidler then fought to hold onto the retrial—although (through no fault of Fidler’s) the media decided that there was not enough public interest in the retrial to merit gavel to gavel television coverage—or any news camera feed in the courtroom.

But as soon as the Polanski documentary aired at a Los
Angeles film festival, Fidler and the Los Angeles Superior Court commenced a full court public relations press--denying that the 1998 meeting happened. So Roger Gunson , who prosecuted Polanski, and Douglas Dalton, the director’s lawyer, issued a strongly worded statement in the face of this denial:

It reads:

"In 1997, Douglas Dalton, attorney for Roman Polanski, and Roger Gunson, prosecutor on the Polanski case, met with Judge Larry Paul Fidler in his chambers to discuss the Polanski case. Mr. Gunson and Mr. Dalton advised Judge Fidler of Judge Rittenband's conduct in handling the case that is accurately captured in the documentary, 'Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired.'

"At the meeting, Judge Fidler advised Mr. Dalton that if Mr. Polanski returned to Los Angeles, that he, Judge Fidler, would allow Mr. Polanski to be booked and immediately released on bail, require Mr. Polanski to meet with the probation department, order a probation report, conduct a hearing, and terminate probation without Mr. Polanski having to serve any additional time in custody. That there was a deal worked out between Judge Fidler and Mr. Dalton was reported in the New York Daily News as early as October 1, 1997.

"One of the issues raised by Mr. Dalton during the meeting was the question of media coverage. All understood that any proceedings would be open to the public as required by law. During the meeting, Mr. Dalton pressed Judge Fidler for a resolution of the case that would allow for minimal news media.

"Mr. Dalton recalled that Judge Fidler would require television coverage at the proposed hearing due to the controversy. Mr. Gunson recalls television coverage discussed at the meeting. Mr. Dalton told documentary director Marina Zenovich of this requirement.

"It is our shared view that Monday's false and reprehensible statement by the Los Angeles Superior Court continues their inappropriate handling of the Polanski case."

Wow!

Nevertheless, HBO caved into the public relations onslaught by the Los Angeles County Superior Court Publicity machine (which included a former employee of TMZ.com--who attempted to spin media coverage of the documentary and related scandal), and edited the revelations about the Fidler meeting out of HBO’s broadcast of the acclaimed documentary. (Note that this joint statement was also signed by a former Polanski case prosecutor.)

Thank you Los Angeles County Superior Court and Judge Fidler for this censorship on a public issue of critical importance—all the more so in view of Polanski’s curiously timed extradition arrest by Swiss police last week. (Not that you had a guilty conscience or anything--no way.)

Curiously timed because the director has traveled freely between his home in France (where Polanski is a citizen) and his home in Switzerland—a home that Polanski has openly traveled to for decades. And because a key hearing in Polanski’s California appeal from the Los Angeles County Superior Court’s denial of Polanski’s motion to dismiss the director’s indictment based on judicial misconduct was previously set by the court of appeal in LA for September 21, 2009—then continued. (Polanski v. Superior Court Los Angeles County, court of appeal No. B217290 .)

Stay tuned folks, because this story is going to get interesting, Real interesting.

And with the powerhouse legal combination of the Dalton brothers + Chad S. Hummel of legal behemoth Manatt, Phelps & Phillips, LLP behind Polanski (not to mention European support for Polanski as well as by the alleged victim herself) do not expect these issues to be swept under the rug. (Unless, the whole case was abruptly dismissed, in face saving fashion--at the "request" of the victim--of course.)

Related: Regarding that Roman Polanski documentary (LA Observed, Kevin Roderick, June 11, 2008)

5:53 PM UPDATE: Here is the Motion to Dismiss (pdf) and the Victim's Declaration (pdf).

Also, please see this post on Talk Left: Outrageous Arrest in Switzerland: Free Roman Polanski

LA JUDICIAL MISCONDUCT IN POLANSKI ARREST?

In the coming days and weeks—as time permits—we will be sharing our thoughts, as well as some previously reported facts surrounding the curiously timed arrest in Switzerland of director Roman Polanski on a 1970’s statutory rape charge out of Los Angeles, after the director’s wife, Sharon Tate, was brutally murdered by the Manson crime family.

Was the bereaved, venerable, and vulnerable director set up for a shakedown by a stage mother who could not make it on her own and also dropped her daughter off (unescorted) at a party at Jack Nicholson’s house in the 70’s?

Did the Los Angeles County Superior Court bench conspire to violate Polanski’s rights, including by submitting to coaching by a prosecutor on how to handle the director's sentencing and possibly a shady surrender deal a decade later motivated by a judge's desire for television coverage?

We will be heavily reporting the story of Polanski’s Swiss arrest on a Los Angeles County Superior Court warrant/United States government request for extradition in the coming days and weeks—including sharing our own contrarian thoughts in this controversial case.

But in the interim, what do you think about this case?

Fresh Ice

Ladies and gentlemen, if I can get you to look at that little light and wait for the flash

I know most of the Barilkosphere will be blogging about Vesa Toskala's ECHL calibre performance last night but I won't. I'm all about optimism this year. Let's take a look at what we have to look forward to. With the preseason all wrapped up, it's only a matter of days until the regular season is upon us. Let's forget about the JFJ years, let's forget about last season, let's forget about Vesa Toskala's abysmal preseason stats; come Thursday, we will have a new start. As LD so eloquently puts it, "Fresh ice, fools!"

In fine Tyler Bozak fashion, let's take a look at seven things to look forward to in this 2009-10 Leafs' season.
The Seventh Samurai, Tyler Bozak

Not only does Bozak have a sick nick name (post coming in a near future) but the guy has skills. Just check out this shorthanded goal against the Bruins. From watching him in the preseason, it is clear why there were so many team interested in his duties. Bozak is a hardworking hockey player with smart hockey sense. He can do it all. He can play on the powerplay, can kill penalties and he's defensively sound for a rookie. Ron Wilson even put him on the point on some powerplays because he can be trusted back there. Sure, the shorty he scored was great but it wasn't even my favourite highlight of his this preseason. This was. While Bozak will most likely start the season with the Marlies, I have a feeling he likely won't end the season with the Marlies. Viktor Stalberg Telling the Marlies to Fuck Off

Stalberg was a dark horse to make the club coming into training camp but he played his ass off this preseason and boy can he play. He racked up 6 goals this preseason to go along with 2 assists for 8 points in 8 games (this is purely going by my memory so please correct me if the stats are wrong). Sure, these are preason stats but it's hard not to get a raging boner just watching him play. Stalberg looks like a player who can make something out of nothing the way he can turn on the jets and cut through the opposing team's defence. I'm glad he got a spot on the team and it was well deserved. This guy will be a stud in the NHL. Nazem Kadri back with London

Don't get me wrong, Kadri had a good preseason but he wasn't dominant by any means. Having him back in London can only do good things for his development, especially when it comes to adding some size to his frame. He was simply too easy to knock off the puck along the boards. Kid's got a shitload of talent though and will be a dominant playmaker for many years to come. Phil Kessel's Return

Was last year's 36 goal season a product of Marc Savard's passes or is Kessel the dynamic sniper we've been lacking since...Rick Vaive? Only time will tell but I have a feeling that last season was no fluke. With Kessel already starting his on ice work outs, the anticipation for his first start is growing steadily. Luckily, we should have him in November, when it matters. I'm glad we got him locked up long term. Can you say Kadri to Kessel? /splurt

The Monster, Jonas Gustavsson

Okay I didn't want to bring it up but Toskala looked completely hopeless this preseason. I've never seen scoring come so easily since the time I slipped roofies into...uhh...since we had Andrew Raycroft in net...yeah, that's it! Luckily Burke hauled in the Monster from Sweden this offseason. While we've only seen him play 3 periods of preseason hockey, he was flawless, even extending one of his tentacles to make this stop on a 2 on 0. I was already a believer when his name first appeared on the Leafs' radar, solely based on his SEL stats. After seeing him play, I have no doubt in my mind that he will supplant Toskala as the starter and will be one day mentioned in the same breath as past goalies like Johnny Bower, Felix Potvin, Curtis Joseph, Ed Belfour, etc. Donnybrooks

I love a good hockey fight and we're guaranteed to see a lot of them this season. The Leafs threw down 18 times this preseason. I believe the league average was around 0.60 scraps a game last year. Truculence will soon be the most searched term on google. PLAYOFFS!!!1

While we're still far from a Stanley Cup team, the pieces are there and the puzzle is starting to fill up. After four years without any playoff hockey, I'm glad that we will be returning to the post season this year. That's right, I said it. You better book a seat now because the bandwagon is filling up.

Neither Height nor Depth

I'm preaching on Romans 8 in church next Sunday. I'm excited because it's my first time preaching at my new church. The passage Romans 8:28-39 which it very cool. It's like preaching one of the Bible's greatest hits.

I'm looking forward to spending this week writing the sermon. Though I'm sure I'll be up late on Saturday night writing as usual.

The two service leaders have both asked me if I want anything for next week. I told both I wanted fireworks to go off and then I appear on stage. They both said no. Then I said I wanted to come down from the ceiling on wires like that guy came in with the cup at the Grand Final yesterday. They said this was a possibility. I'm hoping they rig it up for me.

I'm going to spend the week trying to work out what outfit to wear when I preach. I need to look hot but not too hot. Like not sexy. Holy hot.

I'm also going to try and figure out what jokes are going work on the new crowd. They're a mixed bunch, with a very broad age range. You've gotta know your crowd otherwise you'll just bomb.

At some point I may also consider what God wants to say through the passage. But that will be secondary to the fireworks, clothes and jokes. You've got to make sure the main thing is the main thing.

Work Fail

Yesterday was my worst day at work so far. It wasn't that bad, just my worst so far.

I turned up at 5:10pm and went to the staff entrance which was closed and the security person who checks you off gone. I asked an usher who was standing outside smoking where the staff entrance went. He said it had moved to a new door. But it hadn't. It had been closed because the shift that I thought started at 5:30 started at 5:00. I convinced one of the ticket people to let me in through their door. They didn't recognise me. No one really recognises me when I'm not in uniform there. I'm a nobody.

I rushed in, got changed. Saw a supervisor and apologised for being late. He didn't seem to care. That was good. He briefed me on the event, and told me there were relocations. Everyone had been moved from the top tier of seating to the middle tier. Although only to sections 8, 10 and 12. I was working sections 9, 10 and 11.

Unfortunately the performers (a symphony orchestra playing hit music from video games and anime) took a long time to get through sound check. So by the time we got to open the arena doors, I forgot I was meant to be putting the relocates in section 10 and started putting them in section 11. It was only about 20 minutes after opening, when a bunch of people with tickets for section 11 turned up and I found I'd put people in their seats that I realised I'd been doing it wrong. So I then had to move all the people I'd put in section 11 across to section 10. And then suddenly everyone thought that it'd be a good idea to move to empty seats that looked better. So I had to keep moving people back to where they should be. It was rather a mess.

But once the show started things calmed down. The only incident I had to attend to was a man in full US Army combat fatigues who was taking photos with an SLR camera. I told him to put it away because you're only allowed little digital cameras. He gave me a greasy and stopped taking photos.

My favourite bit of the night was when the compere, while interviewing one of the visiting conductors from overseas who express a wish to see a koala, said "I'm sure you can find somewhere to touch a koala." That and when they played the Astro-Boy theme.

At the end of the night I was given the job of standing in a deserted area of the venue to in case any lost famous Japanese composers wandered by trying to get out. My job was to send them backstage. No one came by for half an hour, and then I was allowed to go home. I enjoyed that half-hour. I'm pretty sure I didn't stuff up once.

So there you go. Worst shift so far but not really that bad at all.

Light and Gravity

"But now she seemed different to me. I became aware of her special powers. How she seemed to pull light and gravity to the place where she stood. I noticed as I never had before, the way her toes pointed slightly inward. The dirt on her bare knees. The way her coat fit neatly across her narrow shoulders. As if my eyes had been given magnifying powers, I saw her more closely yet. The black beauty mark, like a fleck of ink above her lip. The pink, translucent shell of her ear. The blond down on her cheeks. Inch by inch she revealed herself to me. I half expected that in another moment I'd able to make out the cells in her skin as if under a microscope, and a thought crossed my mind that had to do with the familiar worry that maybe I'd inherited too much from my father. But it didn't last long, because at the same time I was becoming conscious of her body, I was becoming aware for my own. The sensation almost knocked the breath out of me. A tingling feeling caught fire in my nerves and spread. The whole thing must have happened in less that thirty seconds. And yet. When it was over, I'd been initiated into the mystery that stands at the beginning of the end of childhood. It was years before I'd spent all the joy and pain born in me in that less than half a minute." - Nicole Krauss - The History of Love

25-09

So today was a rather enjoyable day.

Nathan was coming over so I got excited. I got so excited that went on a housework/gardening frenzy.

Originally, as per Nathan's suggestion, I made my list of things to do it like this:

Things to Ninja Do:

1. Eat my breakfast with no lights on
2. Do the washing up without touching the ground
3. Clean the bathroom without being seen
4. Bring in your washing, like a ninja
5. Sweep the balcony without making a noise
6. Mow the lawn with a ninja sword
7. Read Romans commentaries upside down

I even planned on doing it all, like a ninja. And I was going to take photos and stick it up here on the blog. You would all have been impressed.

I did number one easy. But number two, not so much. I was going to do the washing up sitting on a stool so I didn't have to touch the ground. Ingenious. However it was too uncomfortable and I was too far away from the sink so I gave up on ninja housework and just did the rest like a normal person.

When Nathan came I had been dozing on the couch pretending to read about Romans 8. I hadn't mown the lawn.

Nathan (I've mentioned him 4 times now. Lucky he's not a girl or you'd think I'd have a crush on him. He's married so I'm not allowed to have a crush on him, even if he was a girl.) and I watched Bender's Game and ate wedges. The movie was not very good. There were funny jokes but it was just like 4 mediocre Futurama episodes stuck together. I think I slept through some of it.

When Nathan left I got into mowing the lawn. Actually I got out the mower then sat on the front lawn and pulled out weeds while Mark Driscoll shouted at me. I took over an hour and only managed to do a third of the lawn. I don't know if that's normal. I think we may have an abundance of weeds. Still I do love gardening. I have no idea about plants and stuff. But looking after the garden feels good. I think it feels similar to the feeling you get when you chop down a tree. Only chopping down a tree feels better because it's a lot more manly.

Tonight I tagged along with my church's youth group to Alive. I'm not part of the youth group, but I wanted to go to Alive, so I was allowed to tag along so I didn't just look like a creepy random guy there.

It was an odd experience. My old youth group was there, and it's the first time I've seen the youth group since I left. I was happy to see them. Especially happy to see young people there I didn't recognise. That's what I like to see.

Seeing as it was a big Christian event on the North Shore, I spent all night seeing people I know. There were people there from all three churches I've attended, people from camps I've spoken on, conferences I've been to, colleges I've attended, and people who I know but I don't know where from. It was pretty intense.

I sat in the meeting tonight and missed being a youth minister. I missed having the young people to look after. And the many moments of silliness. And the chance to disciple young people in Jesus. As my life is shaping up I probably will never be a youth minister again. That's sad. I did love it. But there will still be teenagers around, and I'll keep doing ministry with them. I'll keep doing camps, and youth group, and church. And I'll still do ministry. But things will never be how they were and I'll miss that.

However the future is coming (isn't it always?), and I'm excited about that.

Like tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm going to do more weeding.

And that was today. I thought you all might want one of those "Day in the life" blog posts. And if you didn't, I don't care.

Oh and after Alive I went to Maccas with my church crew. Just in case you were wondering.

The Best Burger #4: Johnny's Charbroiled Hamburgers

Funny how my whole blog was started to review restaurants on the blogto list but quickly became overran with Leafs posts. I guess here's finally another post for you foodies out there (okay so there's only one of you but I hope you enjoy it anyhow).

Ah, we finally get to Johnny's Charbroiled Hamburgers, or just Johnny's. If you live on the east side of the city, you've probably eaten here at one point or another. Johnny's is famous for their parking lot dining, their late night service and not having lettuce. Blogto has them ranked 4th on their list. Let's see how they fared with my taste buds.

Location: 3.5/5

Johnny's is located on the south-east side of Sheppard and Victoria Park. It's almost right on the corner and isn't hard to spot at all. Just look for the little orange hut that looks like it hasn't changed since the early 80's. As for convenience, it shouldn't be too difficult to get there by TTC. I assume you would get off at Vic Park then take the Vic Park bus north until you hit Sheppard. Though I would never take the TTC to get there since I have a car so don't blame me if you get lost.

The shop itself is a tiny shithole. The kitchen takes up most of the space and as soon as you walk in you're greeted by the counter. There is no seating available with exception of a bench at the back which is for people waiting for their food. If you want to sit down to eat you have two choices; the park benches outside (if the weather is nice and you enjoy being bombarded by seagulls) or your car.

Taste: 3.5/5

I know a few people that swears by Johnny's and I never quite understood why. I remember being underwhelmed the very first time I tried their burgers actually. I'm not sure if they make their own hamburger patties but they could use some more seasoning as I find them rather bland. It almost tastes like the frozen patties you can buy from the grocery store.

As far as toppings are concerned, you can choose from five: cooked onions, raw onions, pickles, relish and tomatoes. Don't bother asking for lettuce because they will tell you to go elsewhere. They also have ketchup, mustard and BBQ sauce as condiments but I'm not sure whether or not they have mayonnaise.

While I'm not crazy about their burgers, they do make a great batch of golden, crispy fries. My only problem is that they serve them in one of those skinny cardboard boxes so unless you carry packets of ketchup with you wherever you go, only the fries at the top will get the catsup treatment.

Now don't get me wrong, Johnny's do make a good burger but I just expected more based on their reputation.

Value: 3.5/5

A cheeseburger, fries and a drink cost me a little under $8. While it's far from the price of a gourmet burger, it isn't as cheap as a fast food cheeseburger combo either. It really is only worth it if you're in the area otherwise I wouldn't drive too far to go to Johnny's if there's a Burger King or Wendy's that was closer by.

Verdict: 3.5 Soup Nazi's out of 5

One thing about Johnny's is that the guy working the counter is a prick more often than not. He's usually grumpy, impatient and pushy. I always feel like I'm ordering from the Soup Nazi whenever I'm there. While their burgers are good, they are far from the best I've ever had. In my opinion, it isn't worth the drive there, especially since the parking outside their shop is a bitch. However, I do have a few friends that absolutely love their burgers so the only way to find out if you'll like them or not would be to hit them up yourself.

Pastor

I have a meeting with one of my Pastors in 20 minutes. Since going to church as a civilian this year I've always gotten excited when I get to go have coffee with my Pastor. I think because I've never had a Pastor who wants to go out and have a coffee with me. In the last church if a minister wanted to have coffee with me it was because they were my boss. And in the church before that, well, no one ever took anyone out for coffee, especially not as part of ministry.

So now I get excited. I tell people "I'm having coffee with my pastor" just because I like saying it. I feel like I'm name dropping. I'm not just an employee any more, I'm a congregant, I have needs!

I look forward to the day when a Pastor takes me out to coffee and tells me to stop sinning, then I'll know I've really made it as a civilian. I can't wait.

500 POUND DEFROCKED VEGAS JUDGE’S BAD LUCK CONTINUES WITH LOSS OF LIBEL SUIT

For our readers who are unfamiliar with the bizarre saga that was/is (former) Las Vegas judge Elizabeth Halverson, you can get up to speed with these ABA Journal posts here, here, here, and here, and (on a more humorous vein) the Above the Law posts archived here, and our prior post here.

Halverson—who is too fat to walk and zips around on a motorized scooter—started her legal career in San Francisco, California when she was known as Elizabeth LaMacchia, until she 1. Married an ex-felon on parole named Ed Halverson and 2. Moved to Las Vegas to take a clerkship position with the chief judge, Kathy Hardcastle.

Halverson ran for judge against Mr. Hardcastle, was fired by Mrs. Hardcastle, and was ultimately elected to the Vegas bench herself. Much hilarity ensued.

Some highlights:

Halverson treated her bailiff Jonnie Jordan like a slave; requiring him to rub her corpulent feet, microwave her vast quantities of food in her smelly bathroom, clean the blizzard of sunflower seeds and cookie crumbs that ultimately settled on her chambers floor, fetch ice water, and other demeaning chores.

She was not much nicer to her other staff—ultimately firing her clerk Ileen Spoor, after accusing Spoor and her Court Recorder of conspiring with Judge Hardcastle to do her in.

Halverson referred to another courtroom employee as a “faux Jew” and another staff member as “the devil incarnate”—and at one point Jordan filed a discrimination complaint and was reassigned and her fatness replaced her law clerk and courtroom clerk with two women who made Halverson seem hot in comparison.


Did we mentioned she referred to her husband Ed as “bitch” and once asked her bailiff to shoot “Evil Ed”, or that Halverson used to put Ed under oath to make sure that he was doing his household chores and had dinner with sitting jurors, requiring a mistrial to be declared in one case? Or that her yard and swimming pool were so filthy that the County condemned her home as a "health hazard"? Or that she slept on the bench during trials?

Halverson hired unlicensed private “body guards”—claiming that sinister forces threatened her life (get a clue lady, they’re called Oreos)—prompting Judge Hardcastle to lock Halverson out of the courthouse for “security violations”. But not before Halverson barricaded herself in chambers with two bodyguards and called 911, claiming that court Administrator Chuck Short was trying to “assault her”.

The Nevada Supreme Court ordered Halverson back into the courthouse , but the Nevada judicial authorities got wind of Halverson’s antics (which by then were all over the internet—including our prior post here), and Halverson was temporarily suspended pending the filing of formal disciplinary charges.

Ultimately, the Nevada Supreme Court removed Halverson from the bench for multiple acts of misconduct—but not before Halverson appeared with her attorney on a local television station and accused her former courtroom clerk Spoor of “fixing tickets”, Spoor fired back with a libel suit, and Las Vegas’ daily news paper started referring to Halverson as Jabba-the-Judge.

Then things started really going downhill for the 500 pound former jurist.

Ex-convict husband “Evil Ed”—apparently weary from years of verbal abuse from the 500 pound former jurist—snapped and did his jail-house best to beat Halverson to death with a cast iron frying pan (no symbolism there).

“Evil Ed” went off to spend another three to ten years in the joint for assault with a deadly frying pan, and Halverson went into the hospital for an extended stay.

And now this from Las Vegas Chanel 13 News:

Former District Judge Elizabeth Halverson has lost a civil suit filed against her by a former employee.

A judge ruled Friday that Halverson is guilty of defamation and other charges and should pay monetary damages.

Halverson was sued by her former assistant Ileen Spoor who claimed Halverson tried to ruin her reputation by lying to the media.

This makes Halverson zero for four in the lawsuit department—including a San Francisco rent control lawsuit that resulted in a $40,000 judgment against the jurist, the dismissal of Halverson’s lawsuits against, respectively, the Nevada Commission on Judicial Discipline and the Nevada Supreme Court for violating the American’s with Disabilities Act, and Halverson’s lawsuit in the Nevada Supreme Court to invalidate Nevada’s system of making judges who filled empty judicial seats run for election again in two years.

Have we heard the last of Halverson?

Somehow we doubt it.

Related:

Controversial Ex-Judge Loses Libel Suit Brought By Former Assistant (ABA, J.)

Former assistant wins lawsuit against Halverson (Las Vegas Review Journal)

But Things Were Going So Well ... (Wild Wild Law Blog)

Thank You Jesus

The Jesus: All About Life campaign has a website where you can upload a picture where you thank Jesus for things. It's pretty special.

Summer Lovin'

Lesley, Jem and I went to see (500) Days of Summer this afternoon to celebrate Lesley's 40th birthday.

It's good. It is a refreshing take on love from Hollywood. It seems pitched at the late-Gen X/early-Gen Y crew. The ones who are jaded, and self-aware, and pop-culture savvy. And the ones who believe in love because they've believed the Hollywood story that true love is out there, you just have to find the one.

There was lots of good film making. Inventive ways to tell a conventional story. Good mixing of reality and character's imagination. There was a wonderful scene where the main character's (Tom's) expectations of an upcoming party were played along side the reality as it happened. It was for me, so real. I'm always making up stories about how things are going to go, how they might go, and how I'd like them to go, especially when it comes to girls, and it never happens that way I plan, want or expect. Reality is too good at throwing unforeseen dimensions into the mix.

Usually at the end of films about love they make me want to be in love. Especially films with good sound tracks and quirky female leads like Garden State. But this film, I'm not so sure. It had the sound track and the quirky female lead. Admittedly, it's not a love story, just a film about love. But it was optimistic enough that it wasn't trying to turn you off trying to find your true love. But the film didn't leave me feeling like that. It left me feeling like I had watched something real. Perhaps not real in that relationships happen in quite the way the film portrayed, but the film certainly had an emotional authenticity that resonated with me.

It did leave me thinking "Who would bother having a relationship?" Tom, the main character said at one point "Loneliness is underrated" which totally made sense to me. Maybe I'm just coming from a perspective where relationships are all effort and no pay off, but if there is anything all my many years of unrequited love and singleness have taught me, it's that being alone doesn't kill you. And in fact, as long as there's no-one you want to be with, being alone is perfectly enjoyable. That said, I've seen enough good relationships, watched enough movies, read enough books and had enough crushes to know that I probably am missing out on something. But whatever it is, it's elusive and I'm happy, so I shan't stress too much.

At least I shan't stress until I watch Garden State again. Bloody Natalie Portman!

Peas

"If I'm calling at two in the morning it only means one thing, baby!" - Black Eyed Peas

When people call me at 2am I'm usually pretty confident that it doesn't "only mean one thing, baby."

JUDGE SO DRUNK HE WAS ARRESTED ON WRONG SIDE OF ROAD

Driving on the wrong side of the road?

Or so allege the DUI charges against the Honorable Ralph Dukart, Judge, of Billings, Montana.

Now that is drunk. So drunk in fact it considerably alters the sober-as-a-judge standard.

No word on whether hiz honor drove himself to court or rode his bicycle.

Story link here.

International Preaching

I stuck up the sermon I did at CrossWay Church when I preached in there in June.

If you're interested, you can get it here.

House Keeping

So you may have noticed that I've started using tags on my posts. I'm now going back through my archives adding tags to my posts. I'm also going back to the early days of the blog and adding titles to the posts so they display correctly. As there are over 3,500 posts to deal with I expect to be doing this for the next three years.

Joy.

Rejected: Update

For all those of you who were worried about my self-esteem, I talked to the guy who was in charge of hiring for the position. He said they interviewed two people who knew the organisation better than me first, and one of them had everything they needed, which makes sense. But he said my application was good. He didn't mention my awesome customer service skills.

I got nervous on this phone call too (like when I withdrew from the application process on the other job). But this time I didn't sound like I was going to cry, I think I sounded angry. Which I didn't mean to at all. I hope the man doesn't think I hate him.

So there you go. Matt was right. Much ado about nothing. Or nothing for me at least.

Thanks for letting me mope.

Thanks For Voting

LAWYERS EXONERATED IN SEPARATE HEROIN, FRAUD CASES

We tend to be somewhat hard on our colleagues who are caught engaging in outrageous misconduct, so we thought we would bring you the good news this week for two different lawyers in unrelated cases.

Our featured lawyer, Kevin Barron, Esquire, of Boston, was indicted and tried on charges that he tried to smuggle heroin to an inmate of Massachusetts state prison.

The 4.8 grams of heroin was concealed inside a legal brief being delivered to Barron’s client, but was discovered by a sharp-eyed prison staff member before the “smack” laden legal brief changed hands behind bars.

Mr. Barron’s claimed in his defense that he had no idea the package he was delivering contained “lady”, white girl, horse, black tar, brown sugar—or, you know—the “goods”—but we digress.

The jury accepted Barron’s defense that Gwen Foxworth, the mother of an inmate at the prison, inserted the heroin, all packaged up for distribution in small quantities, into three deep holes on the left side of a legal brief carried into the prison by Mr. Barron. The evidence of innocence included Mom’s fingerprints on the package containing multiple small packets of “H” that the Boston barrister was busted with on the way to an attorney-client visit at the lock-up, and Mom’s subsequent guilty plea.

Barron’s client, who was accused of accepting $1,000 in exchange for providing Mom with Barron’s address, also pleaded guilty to delivering a controlled substance to an inmate.

“I am innocent, and I would like to regain what was once a good reputation,’’ Barron said told the Boston Globe.

Our second Lucky -Luciano-of-the-Law concerns the founding partner of a Pittsburgh, Pa., law firm accused of conspiring with others to file fraudulent asbestos claims against CSX Transportation Corp. A West Virginia federal judge this week dismissed the accusation against attorney Robert Periece, who promptly proclaimed victory:

""They just made it up,” Pierce told WBOY-TV.

“I don’t feel vindicated because I never thought we were in any peril. I knew there was no fraud, there never was a fraud. I knew that from the beginning, and when anybody asked me I told them it was bogus. I knew all along it was something they’d made up, without any evidence or facts to support it.”"

First Impressions

So the first pre-season game has came and gone. Not a ton you can gather from it but it was enough to make me salivate a bit. Here's my impressions of the whole event.

The Tail-Gate

I guess the idea was nice but a tail gate party organized by a billion dollar corporation? That just spells fail right there. Where are the lawn chairs? Where are the BBQs? Where are the RVs?

If you were hungry, the only could choose between Pizza Pizza and...well, Pizza Pizza. If you were thirsty, you can get a free can of Coke Zero or buy an overpriced tallboy. There were a few badly organized events as well. I noticed a Johnny Bower signing. At least I think it was a signing as I didn't see any signs or information about whether it was a signing or just a meet and greet. There was also a ball hockey tournament that was played in a fenced area about the size of a grave plot. It seemed like anybody could sign up as I saw a team of 20 something year olds demolish a team of 8 year olds. And like with any corporate event, there were sponsors trying to get you to sign up for shit. For the last time, Toronto Star, I don't want to sign up for your paper because 1) I can read it online 2) Damien Cox, Dave Feschuk and Rosie Dimanno...nuff said and 3) I don't really appreciate your telemarkets calling me every few months to beg me to subscribe to their special offers. The only saving grace was that they hired a decent band in Sloan. Imagine if went with Simple Plan or Nickelback instead.

Seat-Service

I was lucky enough to sit in the golds. I'm sure this isn't available in every seat but they offer seat-service in the golds. Considering how rich, lazy and fat the people who usually sit in the golds are, I bet they find it mighty convenient to have their food delivered to them. I'm not hating, because I would hate to stand in line for 15 minutes just to get a beer but can the servers at least wait until play stoppages to walk up and down the aisles?

Tyler Bozak

I was excited about getting Bozak before I even knew who he was. I mean, his name is just so fun to say and he's the motherfuckin' Seventh Samurai! This kid will be a good player for a long time. Looks like a natural leader out there. Great speed, a good set of hands and defensively responsible. Looks like Wilson trusts him enough to put him on the point on the PP and he also took an important faceoff with less than a minute left in Bruins' territory. As for the shortie he scored, my errection still hasn't subsided.

Viktor Stalberg

When was the last time you had faith in the Leafs' group of prospects? For as long as I've been a fan, I don't remember being so excited for the young kids. Stalberg has blazing speed for somebody who's 6'3. I imagine Kaberle firing cross ice passes to a streaking Stalberg will be a beautiful sight for years to come. The whole Animal House Line (is that what we're coining it?) looked good but I thought Bozak and Stalberg outshone Hanson.

Nazem Kadri

I thought Kadri played a strong but not outstanding game though he seemed to get better when he got some quality linemates later in the game. Had some good chances and almost tied it late in the game. He's a highly skilled forward with a mean streak which could be seen on a few tenacious forechecks. I definitely see why Burke drafted him. I'll enjoy his short stay with the big club but I'd love to see him come back next year to contend for a spot once he adds some more muscle.

Phil Oreskovic

Two bad penalties, two lost fights...not quite the way to make the team. With the logjam we have at D, I don't see Oreskovic getting a shot with the Leafs this year. I would even guess that he would be a career minor leaguer.

Colton Orr

This man is one bad motherfucker. He was on full display in the first, hitting everything that came in sight. He will definitely be a fan favourite if he isn't already. But apparently with all that brawn, he does have a soft side as he displayed when he was giving Kadri some advice. I have yet to see this as I was at the game. Hook up a link if there's one available!

Andre Deveaux/Jay Rosehill

They both know their roles and both wanted to impress as they both dropped their gloves. There's no way they will both make the team so they are in direct competition with each other. My guess is that they both won't make the team and will spend the rest of their careers in the AHL with the occasional NHL call up when Colton Orrs breaks his fist over Georges Laraques' face. Take that, vegan!

Jason Allison

Jason Allison was slow three years ago...having not played since did not make him any quicker. He tried to make an impact out there early on but as the game progressed he just floated in the neutral zone. It also seemed like he lost a lot of face offs. Not much to say other than he won't be making the cut.

Jersey Fouls

I'm not sure if it was the free game factor or not but there were plenty of jersey fouls to be seen. Most of which were personalized with their last name. I did notice a #64 with the name Mojo Radio (which is now defunct). Unfortunately, I didn't see anything clever or any #69 McLovin jerseys. Oddest jersey I saw was a #30 Tom Barrasso. Tom Barrasso played 4 games on the Leafs in the 01-02 season. If you tell me that that's really a lie and that you just went in to his wikipedia page and added that, I would totally believe you. I have no idea what his thought process was when getting that jersey. The only explanation is that his last name is Barrasso or he is related.

The Wave

How does one start this idiotic event? I mean, it would have to make more than one person to get the wave going, right? Does the person starting this yell out "Let's do the wave!" before standing up and flailing their arms in the air? Do they arrange it with a group of people they're sitting with? Does the retard signal in their brain just go off simultaneously? The wave is something I never understood and will never participate in. I reckon that the guy who starts the wave is also the first guy who slows down to stare at an accident on the highway.

Burkie's Dog House

With all the articles surrounding Burkie's Dog House, there's no way I could have went to the game and not try this. I got the bacon wrapped dog and it was as good as it sounds. The hot dog was topped with cheddar, honey mustard and caramelized onions. It was good eatin but $8 for a dog is a bit much. I shall find that prime rib sandwich the next time I head to a game.

Rejected

I got rejected for a job today. That's not really anything new.

However this was the first job all year I've applied for which I actually thought I had a really good chance of getting, at very least getting an interview. It was to be a Youth Ministry advisor-type two days a week for a denomination. I thought a job like that would allow me to maybe spend another three days a week doing the secular work I'd been wanting to do this year and I could still do youth ministry stuff.

But alas, they sent me an email today saying I was unsuccessful.

I rang the number they gave me to find out why I got turned down, but the guy didn't answer so I left a voice mail.

So I'm not sure why I didn't get an interview. I did notice that on the resume I sent them, while I had updated the details of my employment to make it more church friendly, I had forgotten to change my "Key Strengths" from my last application. So my very top key strength was "Excellent Customer Service". That was a little embarrassing. I'm pretty sure most denominations aren't looking for Youth Ministry Advisors who have excellent customer service. Plus it looks pretty bad that the person applying has put in so little effort into their application that they didn't even bother tailoring their key strengths to the role.

Now that I think about it, the day I wrote I was excellent at customer service I must have been feeling pretty cocky, because I wouldn't even list customer service in my top 20 strengths. I'd probably list it somewhere around the same place as "Pretty Good at Handball" and "Has all 10 fingers and toes".

If I got rejected for something other than my "key strengths", I don't know what it was. I felt like I addressed all the key criteria for the role. I thought my cover letter was pretty freaking awesome. I figured I'd at least get an interview.

It turns out to get rejected for this job without even getting an interview, that hurt. Every other job I haven't really worried about. Every other job I've known I probably haven't been that qualified for. But this one, well, Youth Ministry is what I do. If there is anything I should be qualified for and good at it's youth ministry. And so for someone to say "Nope, you're not even good enough for an interview", I've taken it a little personally.

But, as I said when I applied, it's up to God. I just figured if God didn't want me to have the job, he'd close things down after the interview. Not before, that's pretty harsh.

So today I've felt humbled. And today I felt stupid for thinking I'd be good enough to get an interview. And today I tried to remind myself that my qualifications and experience are not where my value lies. And today I moped because I was in the mood to mope before I got rejected anyway.

I'm hoping the guy calls me back tomorrow and tells me I got rejected because I have excellent customer service. That would make me feel better about myself.

In the end the lessons for me to learn are:
1 - Read your full resume before you send it
2 - You may not be as good as you think you are
3 - If you believe it's up to God, then you actually have to let it be up to God

UNC LAW STUDENT TO BE NEXT PLAYBOY CENTERFOLD

Courtesy of abovethelaw.com
WCHL reports:

A UNC student has had her dreams of being featured in Playboy magazine come true in the 2009 October 'Girls of ACC" issue.

Think that the Playboy pictorial might hurt her legal career? Maybe not, if the case of Elizabeth Wurtzel—the Yale Law grad who posed nude on the cover of her book is any indication.

According to Above the Law, even before Wurtzel passed the bar she was being courted by some very prestigious law firms.


Read more:

Law Student of the Day: Playmate of the Month?(Plus: An aspiring law student in Playboy's pages.)

PUBLIC DEFENDER APPOINTED TO REPRESENT BILLIONAIRE STANFORD

The man who even looks good in jail orange and matching ensemble—damn that is class


“The man needs an attorney, he's got an attorney, we're going to get this case to trial.”

With those words, the federal judge presiding over the prosecution of Billionaire Allan Stanford—who allegedly defrauded investors of hundreds of millions of dollars from his stately Caribbean headquarters, complete with a Tara-style manse, jets, helicopters and yachts—unceremoniously appointed the public defender to represent him.

According to the Houston Chronicle, the federal public defender immediately moved to shift a substantial part of the defense costs from its budget to the tax payers by requesting that a “high-profile” white collar defense lawyer, Kent A. Schaffer, be appointed by the court to “assist” in the high flying gazillionaire’s defense.

The public defender was appointed in the face of Stanford’s claim that his asserts have been frozen by the feds, and that as a result he cannot afford the traditional billionaire’s (or even a millionaire’s) defense to the complex securities fraud case invlving co-defendants.

Read more:

Judge Appoints Public Defender for Billionaire R. Allen Stanford (ABA J.)

Stanford getting new lawyer: a public defender (Houston Chronicle)

Dear Doc

"Wait your turn, youngin'. I'm still the best pitcher in baseball"

I never ask for much but today I'm in dire need of a favour. You see, it's the semi-finals in my head-to-head fantasy league and I'm up against the heavy favourite to win it all. He got a start from Lincecum last night where he only allowed 1ER in 7 IP with 11 Ks and a WHIP of 1.43. He also has Posada, Cano, Teixeira and A-Rod on his team. It would be great if you could replicate those stats while shutting down the Yanks. A perfect game would be ideal but anything to keep them off the score sheet will do just fine. If there's anybody I can count on, I know it's you. Give em hell!

I agree with Kanye

Beyoncé had one of the best music videos of all time.

Still you shouldn't steal the poor girl's award moment, that's just mean.

HAIRSPRAY, NOT BOOZE, TRIGGERED ALCOHOL MONITOR, JUDGE SAYS—BAIL NOT REVOKED FOR DUI MANSLAUGHTER DEFENDANT

nwfDailyNews.com

A Florida newspaper is reporting that a 17-year-old girl’s alcohol-monitoring device was triggered by continued exposure to hairspray, not consumption of alcohol, a judge ruled Thursday.

The 17 year old in question is on home monitoring after she was arrested (and awaits trial) on charges of “DUI manslaughter and DUI with serious bodily injury" in connection with a Jan. 4 accident that killed 16-year-old Meghan Burkhart-Smith, a fellow student at South Walton High School”, the newspaper reports.

The 17 year old defendant works as a receptionist at a hair salon in Miramar Beach. The court said that the alert was triggered by hairspray, which she was exposed to July 15.

We might be inclined to question the utility of a device manufactured and advertised to courts as a way to monitor DUI defendant’s compliance with no booze prohibitions set forth in bail and probation orders— if they can claim they used hair spray—but its has been a long weekend and we are fresh out of quips.

(However, hypothetically, if one were to own shares in Alcohol Monitoring Systems Inc., one might consider selling.)

Half a dozen of the other

From the PM's blog:

"One in four young Australians aged between 16 and 24 have experienced mental health disorders in the previous 12 months, yet only a quarter of young people receive professional help."

Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't one in four, one quarter? So it seems to me that every young person who experiences a mental health disorder receives professional help.

I think they mean that only a quarter of the one in four (one in sixteen if I'm not mistaken) receive professional help but it's not very clear.

To Teach or to Have Authority

I've been writing this post for a few days now. I'm posting it even though I think it's still a bit of a mess. If I've ever wanted an editor for my blog, it's now. But I'm sure if you guys can't handle it, you'll just stop reading, and that won't offend me in the slightest, especially as you probably won't tell me.




I've been reading a book for a little too long now called Two Views of Women in Ministry. I've also been looking at issues of women in ministry in class at college. It means that I've spent the last month or so thinking about gender roles in the church.

I decided I wanted to make my mind up on the issue, because I've generally just coasted along happy to let everyone else worry about it, but I knew that some day I'd have to pin my colours to the mast or at very least have my colours ready to be pinned when the time came.

I haven't yet made up my mind, but I'm working on it.

What I have been thinking about is that the debate is about more that just what women can and cannot do in a church. It's about Gender Roles and Biblical Authority. I say this because the way Christians make up their mind on the issue of gender roles will reflect their view of the Bible.

Part of the reason that people get so worked up on the issue is that if people reject the complementarian perspective (women can't do everything) it seems to be flying in the face of clear biblical teaching. So rejecting complimentarianism is rejecting biblical authority. Unfortunately the debate about the issue is muddied by the implications that are suggested by some positions within the debate. It's hard to say you're an egalitarian (woman can do everything) when you might get your commitment to the Word of God questioned.

However I'm not sure that the Bible is as clear on the subject as some people say it is. I am sure though that how we go about making up our mind on the issue of gender roles in the church will clarify where were stand on the issue of biblical authority.

For instance for some it's not really a matter of biblical authority at all. For them men and women are equal so they should be able to have equal roles. If the Bible says different then the Bible is wrong. It's easy enough.

Others who feel they owe a bit of allegiance to the Bible will read 1 Tim 2:12 ("I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent") and decide that Paul was wise in some cases but misled in this one and just expressing the culture of the day. So we should interpret Paul in light of his obvious cultural prejudices and dismiss anything that doesn't allow for the equality of the sexes.

The problem I see with this that while is seems more thoughtful, it's merely just cultural arrogance, or to use C.S. Lewis' term, "chronological snobbery"; the belief that because Paul lived in another time and in another culture then he's obviously wrong when he disagrees with us. It neglects the fact that the values of gender equality, and the expressions of that equality that we take for granted now have been established only fairly recently, and they fly in the face of the majority the church's history of interpreting the Bible. To declare, without serious thought, that 1900 years of Biblical scholarship is wrong because it disagrees with your cultural values is, like I say, arrogance.

I am not saying that the end position is wrong, just the process of getting there.

However, in contrast to this, others who believe the Bible and view it as perfect inerrant, aren't willing to view the Bible as flawed so they see 1 Tim 2:12 and the response is obvious: don't let a woman be a leader, don't let a woman preach, no debate.

The problem with this is that it fails to take into account the weight of biblical evidence for authoritative women's ministry within the Bible. And where the previous view assumes cultural inferiority, this one fails to think about cultural and biblical context entirely.

All these approaches fail to take the authority and/or nature of the Bible seriously.

The only way to appropriately deal with the issue while maintaining biblical authority is to look carefully at all the biblical evidence for and against women in ministry and then make your decision based on what you think the Bible is saying. You can't base your decision on just one or two proof-texts that support your argument, you can't just make up your mind without the Bible, because this isn't an issue the Bible is silent on, and you can't just make up your mind on a cursory reading of the Bible, because the issue is too complex. It needs thought, prayer, diligence and an openness to be change your mind.

As this is such a volatile issue, and but not really that important in the scheme of things (i.e. it's not a salvation issue), I reckon most people should deliberately not make up their minds. Unless you're going to put in the effort to decide on what you actually think the Bible is saying, perhaps it's better to just sit on the fence. It's not as if your indecision is going to stop people hearing about Jesus. And if you don't make a decision it saves you getting into fights and alienating people who disagree with you and it frees you up to get on with the more important things Christ calls us too.*

If you do want to have the debate then do the work to take the Bible seriously and work out what God has to say on the issue. To take the authority of the Bible seriously will mean that those who are for allowing women to do all types of ministry need to be willing to change their view if they find that the Bible states otherwise. For those who are holding on to male only eldership in the church also need to be willing to change their mind if they find their views are inconsistent with the Bible.

Too often we are holding our views because of something other than the Bible. We use the Bible to prop up their own ideas of equality or our own chauvinist values. When we are willing to ignore the teaching of the Bible because it clashes with our own ideas of what is right and wrong, then the Bible has ceased to be authoritative in our life.

Of course the problem is that if we base our decisions on the Bible we are in danger of offending people and/or being culturally insensitive, but if we base our decisions on something other than the Bible we are in danger of allowing God's revealed truth be be of secondary importance to accepted cultural truth. It will mean that the gospel can only be truthful if it fits in with cultural norms and the gospel will never fit in with the norms of any culture.

The greatness of what God has done in the gospel will always fly in the face of culture because universal human sinfulness and helplessness, and divine wrath, favour and forgiveness will never find a comfortable fit with any group of people in any time of history. The very fact that the Gospel transforms culture means that it must always be regarded as being above culture. We need to interpret culture in light of the Gospel not the Gospel in light of culture.

When we erode the authority of the Bible, we erode the authority of the gospel and we limit the chance it has to transform culture and transform lives.**

As far as I know of all those of you who read my blog your views on gender roles and biblical authority will stretch right across the spectrum, from conservative to liberal to the people who aren't Christians and consequently don't care at all. So for some of you biblical authority is a non-issue, you've never claimed to have the Bible as a guiding authority in your life. For others you like the Bible and see it as containing truth about God but you aren't willing to view it all as authoritative and inspired. Others of you are like me and you view the Bible as the inerrant word of God, authoritative because it is God's revelation of himself to us through which he uniquely helps us to understand it by the Holy Spirit.

So being who I am and having my views on the Bible I think the most helpful thing we can do for the debate on gender roles is to continually call people to have the debate in love, tolerance and openness to be wrong. We need to assess and re-assess the biblical evidence, and base our decisions on that. If we start to allow the church to make up it's mind on issues by established prejudice or by what is culturally accepted and appropriate rather than on what the Bible teaches we erode the strength our best, most reliable source of God's revelation. It'd be rather a shame, in our rush to hold on to what we think is right to ignore our best source of wisdom on what God thinks is right.


*I understand that some will view not allowing women to do every role as an injustice against women. And to do the work of Christ will be to fight against any kind of oppression of people due to their gender, race, age, looks or anything else. As far as I can tell the Bible is clear about the equal value and importance of both male and female. Both are created in God's image, both have equal access to God and his salvation, both are gifted by God to do good works and serve. Whatever the Bible teaches it does not teach that one gender is ontologically inferior to another. The debate, if had biblically, is whether equal value is equivalent to equal access to roles within the church. If that is the case and equality is firmly established how it is expressed should not a central issue to most Christians.

**Happily, it's God's gospel and not ours of even if we do manage to erode the authority of the gospel, it's going keep marching on transforming the world regardless of what we do to stop it. But the fact that God's saving transforming work is going to go on regardless of what we do is no excuse for us to neglect to protect the purity of the gospel and the authority of the Bible. Just because God will work despite us doesn't mean that's the way he wants to do it.

Public Holidays

I read this article in SMH. For the record I like public holidays.

I think Muslims should be allowed to not work on their public holidays. I'm happy Christians don't have to work on theirs. If the Zoroastrians want a few days off too, they should get them.

I'm all up for a pluralistic society with pro-active freedom of religion. Especially if it means we all get more days off.

Thinking of the Future

I've decided that I need to keep a journal. At least a second journal to my normal prayer journal. My prayer journal is pretty dull, and a little embarrassing. I need to keep another journal full of inspirational stuff so that if I die (probably more like when I die, if I'm being realistic) it can be published and everyone will see that my inner spiritual life was amazing and Christian youth speakers can quote me for years to come.

I'll write things like "I just want to live for you Jesus" and "I now realise that it's only through embracing brokenness that God will show us his true picture of wholeness" and "I met my greatest enemy again today, you know the guy who stabbed me in the kidney last year? I saw he was being beaten up by a gang of thugs at Hornsby Station. I ran in to help. They broke my leg and made me blind in one eye. Thank you Lord that I can share in your sufferings. I hope my enemy is ok and not too scared to go to the station in the future, he could lose his job if he's afraid of the train. Jesus bless him."

I'm pretty sure that'll be a best seller at Koorong. The only problem is that I'll be dead so I won't get any of the money. Perhaps I will have to fake my death too. That way I can funnel the money from my estate into my secret account and live happily forever.

Faking my own death also means I can plan to die in the most inspirational way possible to do maximum book sales. I think I will be tortured to death in some hard-line middle eastern country's prison for refusing to renounce my faith after being arrested giving food and the gospel of Mark in Arabic comic book form to impoverished terrorist children.

If that doesn't make you buy my journal, you've got no heart.

I'll just have to make sure I mark which journal is the inspirational one clearly. It'd be terrible to go to all the trouble to fake your own inspirational death and then people read your journal and realise you were actually pretty dull:

"Thank you God that I didn't get that job. It looked crap anyway."

"Please give me grace because I didn't study for my exam again."

"Please make my hair grow fast because this haircut looks terrible. Only on my head though. My back hair is growing fast enough."