Advertising Attraction and Doormen

Today was walk to Times Square and back day. That's almost all we did.

However before we set off I walked into our dorm and the Russian girl who is sharing with us was standing there half naked. Having mixed dorms with half-naked Russian girls in them seems like it should be every young man's dream come true, I found it kinda awkward. I quickly turned away and started fiddling with the key to the locker trying to work out what the etiquette was in a situation like that. I wasn't sure if I should just pretend that nudity is the most normal thing in the world and go about my business, because she was standing there in the room she shares with 7 other people, half of them guys, maybe she's fine with it and it'd be rude if I ran away like a prude. Or should I leave because she was caught during a private moment she had in the dorm. In the end I pretended I had only walked into the room to fiddle with the key to my locker for a second and then I walked out again. I'm pretty sure that was the best compromise and no one lost face.

Eventually when I thought it was safe I went back to my room. I passed the girl in the hallway and gave her an awkward smile. Back in my room I got ready to leave.

Times Square is a long way away from our hostel, so it was pretty exciting to see New York. All the New York like buildings and shop fronts, and food places. We ate brunch at a place called Jackson Hole in honour of the King of Pop. On my burger I ate seven pounds of beef and didn't think of Will Smith once.

I can't say we saw anything too remarkable but everything was cool. Everybody who drives in New York seems to drive smaller cars than the people drive in the rest of this country. While 75% of cars in the rest of what I've seen in the US seem to be SUVs and over grown sedans, here cars seems a bit more normal sized. It could just be that half the cars are taxis and yellow is a very slimming colour.

Times Square is pretty amazing. Neon and video everywhere. Everything is advertising. It didn't even occur to me while I was there, but we trekked for two hours through New York to see a bunch of advertisements. That's a little sad. Still I like advertising when it's ten stories high and lit up. In fact I liked it so much as soon as I left Times Square I bought myself a Coke and a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup. I also almost bought a Samsung TV, GMC Truck, Timex watch, got a loan with the Bank of American and started lining up for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince but I held myself back.

After this celebration of consumerism, we wandered back through Central Park. It was full of people sun baking and playing softball, none of it was advertising. The contrast was amazing. I fantasised about lying in the grass and reading my book but I had an appointment to keep.

The appointment was to go see my distant, rich, relative who lives in an apartment on 5th Ave. We went back to hostel, I got changed and left Lesley there, then hopped in a cab only 6 blocks from the Hostel. I haven't yet got the knack of waving down a taxi yet. When we made it to the 5th Ave Apartment block the doorman came over and opened the taxi door for me. I felt wealthy.

In the apartment block there is a man named Nathan whose whole job it is is to press the buttons in the elevator. He was very good at his job.

My distant relative is the cousin of my Great-Grandfather. He was very friendly and welcoming. He told me stories about his time in the Hungarian Army in WWII and about his children and grand children. He gave me ginger ale to drink. He was very kind.

He also has a view out of his window right over Central Park. It was quite impressive.

At the end of the visit we went back down to the lobby with Nathan the Elevator Button Presser, and I hopped straight in my waiting taxi and went back to the Hostel.

Tonight we had Chinese for dinner from across the road. Lesley is reading and I'm blogging. I'll go read soon too. Tomorrow we're going to catch a bus.

Fame and Fortune: Part Two

Sunday was preaching day. I unpacked my best jeans and least offensive t-shirt and put some product in my hair. It's important to look your best as you begin your preaching offensive on a new continent. That's what all the books on televangelism say. Tom French Power Ministries was about to break the US market!

Grace cooked us another good breakfast, and dropped us at the church early. I had my quiet time in the foyer. I hadn't had it at home and I figure if people in the congregation find the preacher praying and reading his bible in the foyer they'll know he's really, really holy.

At the church I found that on the front of the bulletin was a dumb photo of me super-imposed over a kangaroo. I think I appreciate a church that makes fun of it's visiting preachers. Mockery is the best form of compliment (except perhaps when you actually get a compliment). Nathan also showed the worship band my air guitar video. I'm glad they saw my best side.

Church was a rather quick affair. We sang some songs (with one Hillsong song as a nod the Aussies), took an offering, had some announcements then I preached. Once I preached we sang a little more and then we were done. The longest thing in the service was my preaching. I did preach for a while. I was pretty happy with how I preached, and people seemed responsive so that was good. I hope people got something out of it.

We got to meet a lot of people after church. There are a lot of lovely people at Crossway. I really enjoyed meeting some more real Americans. I did meet someone from the church who told me that Obama was the Antichrist. I think it was because of his policies on abortion. I didn't tell them how I felt about Obama. I thought it was best to keep my mouth shut.

After church the Hyde's, Carolyn's parents and Grace took us out to lunch at the Outback Steakhouse. It's all rather fake Australian. I was hoping it'd be a really bad misrepresentation of Australia, but it was just kind of like an overdone tourist place. Still I did enjoy being somewhere that celebrated Australia.

We followed up our meal with a trip to Assateague Island. It's an island that was created in a hurricane in 1933 when the hurricane separated it from Ocean City. The main attraction of this island seems to be that there are wild ponies there. We saw some. And we spent a while standing on the beach looking at the Atlantic.

After all that excitement we all went home. Lesley and I read books then retired to our rooms early.

Monday was leaving day. After getting a photo of myself with the church sign with my name on it, we farewelled the Hyde's and gave them our presents full of Australiana. It felt a little silly giving these small gifts after the huge amounts of generous hosting we got. But it's not like they were looking for payment, so I'll just take it as grace.

Grace took us to the bus station and she gave us both a hug and left us there to fend for ourselves.

We caught our Greyhound to a town just up the road, went to change buses for the bus to New York, but were told the bus to New York was full. So we had to get back on our previous bus and go to Baltimore. I was hoping it'd be raining in Baltimore because of the Counting Crows song, but it wasn't. It was very sunny.

We spent 3 hours in the Baltimore Greyhound station waiting for the next bus to New York. We met a young, earnest evangelical called George. He is a plumber who wants to go to Bible college. I liked him a lot. He asked a lot of questions about Australia and the Bible. I gave him my heretical non-literal interpretation of Genesis 1-11 and he was willing to accept it right there in the bus station. He was the easiest person to convince I've ever met. I told him he should go read some more before he just agrees with me. I'm pretty sure my ideas aren't the norm in Evangelical America.

I'm glad we got diverted because I'm glad we got to hang out with George.

The bus to New York was pretty un-remarkable until we saw the buildings of New York arrived on the horizon. It was pretty exciting. Seeing all those famous buildings and that familiar skyline get bigger and bigger in the night sky, and then we went through a tunnel and suddenly we were right in the middle of it all. It was very exciting. I think it was probably a better way to arrive than flying in.

We caught a cab from the bus station to our Hostel. The cab was yellow. It had a little TV in the back. We ate pizza for dinner that night. We were in New York. Oh yeah.

Food and Fame

Ocean City was loads of fun! Lesley and I had been talking about how we were really looking forward to going because we'd get to hang out with some real Americans rather than just sharing rooms with sleepy backpackers. We weren't disappointed.

We travelled to Ocean City on Greyhound which Van warned us was "ghetto". I'm not exactly sure what that means. If it means the buildings were dodgy, the service not that good, and their entire workforce being people from minority groups, then yes, it was ghetto. Still I enjoyed the experience. I enjoyed riding with people who can't afford to fly, and I liked seeing the country side.

Greyhound also doesn't have much by the way of food, so we spent the day eating food from vending machines.

On the bus we went over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. It's 7km long. It made me happy.

When we made it to Ocean City Nathan was waiting at the bus station to pick us up. I saw him out the window when we arrived, but I pretended not to because then it would have been awkward till we got off the bus. Meeting strange pastors you meet on the internet is an odd business. But happily he didn't kidnap us or turn out to be an 80 year old woman with lots of cats.

Nathan shook our hands and introduced himself. He was friendly, American and sounded just like he does on his podcast. It felt like I was with someone famous.

Nathan took us to the house we stayed at. We were put up by a lovely older lady named Grace. Grace lives in a little cottage by the lake. She has soft grass. It was a pretty nice place and Grace was very welcoming and hospitable. She cooked breakfast for us every morning and slept on the floor in the lounge room so Lesley could sleep in her bed. I was put in the spare room with the freezer. I really liked having a room to myself. I haven't had one of them since I left Sydney.

Once we'd dropped off our stuff at Grace's Nathan took us to his place to meet Carolyn, his wife, and Laura Marie, his 19 day old daughter. Laura Marie was pretty un-responsive to our arrival, but she made up for it by being cute. Carolyn however was very welcoming and friendly, especially seeing as she had just had a kid. In fact the Hydes spent the whole weekend with us, entertaining us, taking us out for dinner, and their baby was less than three weeks old. I was very impressed and felt quite blessed.

They took us to dinner that first night so we could get some crab, it's famous in the Ocean City area. It was nice and tasted nothing like crab sticks, much to my happiness. Crab sticks are disgusting. Crab soup and crab imperials on the other hand are very pleasing to the taste buds.

While we probed each other for cross-cultural information and personal history, the conversation was peppered with regular descriptions of various local delicacies, especially delicacies we could have for dessert. We found that this discussion of food would be a theme of the weekend. I like food, but I didn't know that there was so many opportunities in a day to talk about it until going to Ocean City. My eyes have been opened.

We went for a trip after dinner to the famous Ocean City boardwalk, voted 3rd best boardwalk in the United States. It was pretty impressive. It was kinda like a cross between Surfers Paradise and the Manly Corso if they were stretched out in a long line, stuck right on the edge of the beach, and made to sell only bad t-shirts and unhealthy food. I did enjoy myself.

We spent so much time walking and talking about food that we ran out of time for dessert. I'm sure this is irony or something like that.

Saturday was a lazy day. Grace took us to Wal Mart. It was like K Mart but 50% bigger. I'm pretty sure this was a small Wal Mart though. Then she took us to a fast food place that sells salad and bread. True to local form, Grace had spent all morning talking about the food this place sold.

In the afternoon we went to the Hyde's and watched a DVD (Henry Poole is Here if you're wondering) then went and at dinner at a themed restaurant in an old fire station. It was pretty cool. I like fire stations and stuff. I had a big pork chop and ate it all. I felt like a local. Laura Marie, as usual, slept through the whole thing. Rude.

And now I'm off to bed. I'll finish the Ocean City catch up tomorrow. Now I'm kinda sleepy.

NY

We made it to New York. I like it.

Our room at the hostel we've checked into is full of people who go to bed early again. What's with young people these days! They should be out watching Broadway shows and getting drunk. Bah! Useless.

Now I should go back and write that big long blog post you're all hanging out for. Yeah, you are, you know it.

OC

We've arrived in Ocean City. We got in yesterday on the Greyhound. Everyone is friendly. We seem to talk about food a lot.

PHIL SPECTOR’S NEW HOME: CORCORAN STATE PRISON

June 26, 2009
By Blogonaut

Music producer Phil Spector was transferred this week to the largest and newest state prison in California where he will serve his sentence of 19 years to life for his conviction for the murder of actress Lana Clarkson, unless fate intervenes in the form of bail pending his appeal or a reversal of his conviction by a higher court.

Until then, “home” will be California State Prison, Corcoran (“CSP”) as it is officially known—located at 4001 King Avenue, Corcoran, CA 93212.

Spector is being housed in an area of CSP that Department of Corrections officials have dubbed the "sensitive-needs facility" of this newly constructed prison and he has been assigned a single room.

Spector's notoriety probably got him into that housing area, Lt. Stephen Smith told Linda Deutsch, writing for the AP. The typical inmate in the section is a former gang member who has dropped out of a gang and needs protection, Smith said.

Most State Prison inmates in California are allowed to purchase and possess personal items such as a color television, personal music players, paper, pens, and writing materials. However, internet access and cell phones are generally not allowed for security reasons, and both in going and outgoing mail is reviewed by prison staff—with the exception of letters to and from an inmate’s legal counsel of record. (In fact, California inmates are not even allowed to receive emails that have been downloaded and printed by third parties off prison grounds and mailed to the prisoner in question--which ban the California Court of Appeal upheld in 2001.)

We have previously discussed Spector’s most likely prison security classification as a “level III”. CSP is home to Level I, Level III, and more violent inmates—it has no level II.

We infer from what Lt. Stephen Smith told Linda Deutsch as well as our knowledge of the prison classification system that Spector is currently housed in CSP “Facility III-C”—which is described by the CSP level III web page as having “five buildings with a total combined bed capacity of 1,180. III-C is designated as a Sensitive Needs Yard. Current programs in this facility include an Orientation Unit, DPP, DDP, and CCCMS. On June 4, 2007, 200 non-traditional dayroom beds were activated (40 per housing unit).”

The entire III-C Facility (after the gym was converted to a housing unit) currently houses 1,330 inmates.

For updates regarding the status and progress of Spector’s pending appeal, visit Blogonaut often and look for the PHILLIP SPECTOR APPEAL WATCH.

FONDLER UPDATE: JUDGE KENT RESIGNS ON EVE OF IMPEACHMENT TRIAL

Huston chronicle

Embattled federal judge Kent—the first federal judge to be convicted of a sex crime and who is already in a federal hobby farm serving his sentence—abruptly resigned today on the eve of his impeachment, the Huston Chronicle reports.

“The resignation of Kent, a convicted felon who had continued to collect his $174,000 a year salary in prison, was announced to the surprised participants at the first meeting of the Senate’s impeachment trial committee on Thursday afternoon in Washington D.C. The committee is chaired by Senator Claire McMcCaskill, D-Missouri, who announced Kent had handed in a resignation, effective June 30th, 2009, on plain paper to the Senate’s sergeant-at-arms during an official prison visit.”

Hat Tip: ABA Journal

Federal Judge Samuel Kent Resigns, as Senate Impeachment Trial Looms

PHILLIP SPECTOR APPEAL WATCH

Phillip Spector at counsel table with his appellate attorney Dennis Riordan

Many Blogonaut readers have asked some very intelligent questions over the last few weeks following music legend Phillip Spector’s sentencing on May 29, 2009, on second degree murder charges, ranging from where will he be housed within the prison system to what are the chances of his being released on bail pending appeal, to does he go free if he wins the appeal.

A coin dealer was the last to post the question: How could this not have been viewed as an accident and why was Spector not offered a plea bargain through which he would be out of prison by now?

In view of the expressed interest in the Spector appeal from both sides of the courtroom gallery, we will be closely motoring the status of the appeal in People vs. Phillip Spector, California Court of Appeal No. B216425, and relating to you any and all developments here as soon as they happen--including an in depth analysis of the augments on appeal, and full coverage of Spector's highly anticipated motion for bail pending appeal.

As of today, June 25, 2009, the appeal is the infancy of a minimum one and a half to two years (or more) process.

But here is the time line to date:

Trial Court Judgment Date (sentencing): 05/29/2009

Noticed of appeal Notice of appeal lodged/received by Court of Appeal: 06/01/2009

Due date for lodging the record on appeal (Court File/TR-Transcript): 07/20/2009

Once the record on appeal is filed, the California Court of Appeal for the Second Appellate District (in lawyer parlance, the CA/2) will notify Phillip Spector appellate counsel
Dennis P. Riordan that he has 40 days to file Spector’s opening brief on appeal.

It is common, especially in view of the anticipated gargantuan size of the trial court record following a six month retrial with many written motions, orders, and rulings), for that 40 days to be extended at least 30 days, maybe even several times.

Spector’s opening brief on appeal will, however, frame the issues that he is raising on appeal, by listing them and providing both legal and factual support for his reasons that the trial court erred, justice miscarried, and that he should be afforded a new trial.

From what we know about the proceedings in the lower court, we view Spector’s chances on appeal to be excellent—with the wild card being will he be released on bail pending appeal?

Stay tuned here for in-depth coverage and analysis of this appeal as it progresses.
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In the meantime, if you write us at the upper left hand contact link, we will try to incorporate your questions and our answers, based on our best impressions as a California lawyer.
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Please keep in mind that we are not privy to defense or prosecution strategy on appeal, and are not offering legal advice to the parties or their family members--just our journalistic take and comment based on the information available.

MAN WHOSE LAWYER SLEPT AND READ MAGAZINES DURING TRIAL WINS DO-OVER

New York Law Journal

A New York judge has thrown out a felony conviction after the defendant's lawyer slept during trial, read magazines while witnesses testified and provoked laughter among the jurors with his "bizarre" opening statement, the New York Law Journal reports.

Acting Justice Vincent M. Del Giudice ruled that the attorney, Manhattan solo practitioner Michael Harrison, did not provide his client "meaningful representation" as defined by New York case law. (Do ya think so?)

Although Harrison was not named in the judge’s opinion, the Law Journal obtained the name from other records in the case.

Hat Tip: ABA Journal:

After Judge Finds Lawyer Slept During Trial, He Tosses Weapons Conviction

Last Day in DC

So today we saw everything else (Capitol Hill, Old Post Office Museum, Union Station, Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial). We did a lot of walking. Saw Obama's motorcade again, I saw Marine One in the sky. And I sat under a tree, read my Bible and prayed. It was a good day. Tomorrow we're off to Ocean City by Greyhound.

There you go. That wasn't long at all.

NOTORIOUS “PENIS PUMP JUDGE” ARRESTED AGAIN—FOR DUI

North County Gazette

TULSA, OK—Former Creek County District Judge Donald Thompson, known as “the penis pump judge,” has avoided jail time for his drunk driving arrest.

In case you missed the former press coverage of Hiz Honor, he was accused by prosecutors of, among other things, using a penis pump while on the bench presiding over criminal trials. Lawyers trying cases in front of the judge testified at the trial on charges that he exposed his (pumped up) penis to a laterally situated (and not concealed to the bench) female court reporter.

The pump use, they claimed, was revealed by the telltale hiss the pump made when the vacuum was released as well as the fact that after a recess, a curious prosecutor found a penis pump under the bench. The court reporter also testified that the judge exposed his penis to her while on the bench.

Despite producing an MD’s prescription for said penis pump, Hiz Honor went down like a submarine, and was sentenced to four years in the joint.

Thompson, 62, was arrested last Dec. 5 by an Oklahoma Highway Patrol trooper about 3 a.m. According to a police report, the trooper came upon a vehicle that was stopped on the outside shoulder of the Creek Turnpike. The car had a flat tire and damage to the driver’s side.

According to the report, the trooper said that the driver, identified as Thompson, had slurred speech, bloodshot eyes and a strong odor of alcohol on his breath. Thompson told the officer that he didn’t know how the car had sustained damage. It was later determined that Thompson had struck a wall.

No word as of yet on whether the former jurist was trying to inflate the flat tire on his vehicle with a penis pump.

Thompson had been released from state prison in April, 2008 after serving 20 months of a four year sentence after being convicted of four counts of indecent exposure. He was defrocked as an attorney in September 2008.

Special Judge Carlos Chappelle found Thompson guilty Tuesday of having physical control of a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol, a misdemeanor. Thompson had waived his right to a trial and entered a no-contest plea. The judge sentenced Thompson to a year of probation and no jail time.

A court ruled in February that Thompson must forfeit the portion of his pension that he had realized from his judicial service.

The Oklahoma Pubic Employees Retirement System Board of Trusts unanimously accepted an administrative hearing examiner’s decision that Thompson violated his oath of judicial office when he was convicted in 2006.

Thompson was, however, allowed to retain his retirement salary as a state legislator—where he served before becoming a judge. He was also (apparently) allowed to keep his penis pump.

AWESOME BOOMER MUSIC STARS ROCK GERMANY

bild.de

This post is in German, but pretty easy to follow in any event: What more need be said than the words Springsteen, Young, and Cohen.

BTW, the best preserved of the lot is 74 year old Leonard Cohen—more a decade older that Neil Young and two decades older that The Boss. (It must be all that Zen-Vegan-Yoga stuff.)

Alt-Stars rocken die großen Bühnen der Welt!
Alle Konzertdaten bei BILD.de
Sie stehen seit ewigen Zeiten auf der Bühne und begeistern Massen mit ihrer Musik. Neil Young, Leonard Cohen, Bruce Springsteen & Co. sind Legenden, die live noch immer ausverkaufte Stadien rocken: Altstars auf Tour! Hier gibt es alle Namen, Fakten und Konzertdaten.
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
Auf Tour

Bruce Springsteen
Rock-Legende spielt in München
Man nennt ihn die große Stimme der Working-Class-Heroes (Helden der Arbeiterklasse). Bruce Springsteen (59) stammt aus einfachen Verhältnissen, mischt seit fast 45 Jahren das Musikgeschäft auf – und kommt immer noch an. Coldplay-Frontman Chris Martin sagte jüngst, er ließe sich bei seinem neuen Album von Springsteen inspirieren. Seine Texte werden als Spiegelbild der Gefühle und sozialen Abhängigkeiten der Arbeiterschicht betrachtet. Den Durchbruch erzielte die Rock-Legende 1975 mit „Born To Run“.
Im Januar veröffentlichte Springsteen sein 16. Studioalbum „Working On A Dream“. Als Unterstützer des amerikanischen Präsidenten (Springsteen stand bei mehreren Veranstaltungen auf der Bühne), ist der Titel auch auf Barack Obamas Bemühungen, in den USA „ein Haus zu bauen, das groß genug für all unsere Träume ist“ zurückzuführen.
LEONARD COHEN
Auf Tour

Leonard Cohen
Gänsehaut seit 40 Jahren
Mit 13 Jahren lernte er Gitarre spielen – angeblich, um Mädchen zu beeindrucken. Fast 60 Jahre später steht Leonard Cohen (74) immer noch auf der Bühne – in Weste, mit Hut, einem charmanten Lächeln und jeder Menge Erfolg. Doch der Großmeister der Melancholie hatte auch schwere Zeiten zu verkraften. 2005 klagte Cohen seinen Ex-Manager Kelley Lynch an, der ihm über Jahre hinweg 5 Millionen Dollar seiner Musiker-Rente gestohlen haben soll. Lynch habe Rechte an Cohen-Songs verkauft.
Eine Vielzahl von Cohens Liedern ist seiner langjährigen Weggefährtin, der Norwegerin Marianne Ihlen, gewidmet („So long, Marianne“). In ihr sah er Leidenschaft und Inspiration.
Mehr zum Thema
Leonard Cohen auf Tour
1. Juli – Köln, Lanxess Arena


1 von 2
NEIL YOUNG
Auf Tour

„Déjà vu“
Neil Young über seinenneuen Dokumentarfilm
„Ich habe gewartet und die ganze Zeit gedacht, es muss einen jungen Superhelden geben, der aus der Popwelt kommt, der die Sicht aller jungen Leute in sich vereint und sie erleuchtet zu einem Protest“, sagte Neil Young (63) einst in einem „Spiegel“-Interview über seine Anfänge im Musikgeschäft der 60er-Jahre. Da kein Superheld vom Himmel fiel, wurde er selbst mit seiner Band Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young zum Sprachrohr dieser Generation. Schrieb Protest-Songs („Ohio“) und spielte auf dem legendären Woodstock-Festival.
Noch heute sind ihm die Fans von früher treu und er bleibt es der Bühne!
Neil Young spielte im Juni vier Konzerte in Deutschland.

MADOFF ATTORNEY SEEKS 12-YEARS FOR PONZI KING

REUTERS

Bernard Madoff's criminal defense counsel requested the court to sentence Wall Street's Ponzi King to a punishment of less than life in prison, saying the court should not give in to the "mob vengeance" sought by those he defrauded, Reuters news service is reporting.

Madoff, 71, pleaded guilty in earlier this year to operating a Ponzi scheme that cheated investors (many who had invested their entire life savings) out of an estimated $65 billion over two decades.

The maximum sentence on all 11 charges, including securities fraud and money laundering, adds up to 150 years in prison—a far cry from the 12 year wrist slap sought by the Ponzi King’s lawyer.

Giant Fighting Robots

We went to Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen tonight. It's opening night. Where better to see a summer blockbuster on opening night than in Washington DC? To see it in LA, that's where. But seeing as we're not in LA, DC was a good substitute.

It was pretty fun. The crowd were at least half black and were adequately enthusiastic. There are twin robots in the film are obviously black (even though they're green and red) and every time they said something black like "I'm gonna pop a cap in yo' ass" or "yo' bitch" they all laughed and said "yeyah". I thought they'd be offended by the blatant stereotyping and white filmmakers' appropriation of their "street jive" but they seemed to like it. In fact anything done in the film by a black person was well appreciated. Even when Obama just got a passing mention it was appreciated. I think I should go to the movies with the African American community more often. They're good people to watch with.

The film itself was very cool. It seemed a lot less succinct plot wise than the first film. And it was less well written, the jokes were cheaper, and the characters even more shallow if that's possible and there were plenty of dumb things. But the robots spent a lot more time fighting, fighting with guns, fighting with fists, fighting with red hot robot swords! How can that not be cool? There's a scene in the forest when Optimus Prime takes on three Decepticons at once. It was brilliant.

Plus the film has more awesome helicopters, planes, aircraft carriers and blowing stuff up. It was great fun.

***SPOILER WARNING***

By far the silliest bit was when Sam went to robot heaven and he was sent back to earth to finish the job of saving the world. It was amazingly dumb. I laughed, so did the man next to me. The man next to me was black. We laughed together. I think we bonded through that moment. In my head I said to him "Yo' that's funny my homie" and I'm pretty sure he said back to me in his head "Right on my brother from another motha!" When I'm in DC now I know I have someone to give me a hand if ever I get in trouble from the gangs.

***END OF SPOILER***

So that's my review. Go see it. If you like robots fighting, you'll love this movie. It's totally cool.

Washing My Ton

So Lesley and I have been in Washington DC for a few days. We arrived late on Monday night. Our shuttle driver didn't know Washington very well, so by the end of the trip we knew Washington very well.

We're staying in a Youth Hostel here. It's fine. Everyone goes to bed early it seems. Especially in my room. And no one talks to each other much. Although right now in the lounge there's a guy from Australia telling an American guy about our water restrictions and Greek residents. That's ambassadorship if ever I heard it.

The first day we were rather stuffed, went straight to Capitol Hill for a tour of the Captiol building but were foiled by our lostness. So we just headed on down to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum.

If I had to be locked in one museum for the rest of my life, that'd be pretty high on my shortlist. It was amazing! Full of planes, space ships, ballistic missiles and films about all of the above. I has so happy in there. I geeked out. It's not quite as cool as the wing walk tour at Longreach, but if I was locked in there for the rest my life I'd walk on all the wings. Perhaps they need a Chaplin or resident usher or something. I love planes.

We watched an Imax movie there called Fighter Pilot: Operation Red Flag which was about a big training mission. It had lots of cool military stuff and it was wonderfully shot. I spent most of the time trying to work out how they shot it. I was impressed and pleased.

In addition to being an amazingly cool museum, it also had the biggest Maccas I've ever seen. So if I lived there I would be fat and happy. What else could I want?

Last night we had salad for dinner.

Today was White House day! We wandered over after a late sleep in and Chinese for breakfast. It was special. Seeing the White House was like being in a dream. I've seen it so many times in movies, and then I saw it for real. But it was in the wrong place. Like how you can dream your in England and then walk into your home, that's was it was like finding the White House but it wasn't in the movies (or The West Wing). But I got my photo taken in front of it, so now I inhabit the same universe as Jed Bartlet. My life is good.

While we were trying to get to the front of the White House we noticed there was a lot of security around and a lot of Police not letting you walk places you wanted to go. We heard one lady comment that you couldn't go anyway becaues "Obama is arriving soon". That sounded fun. When we finally made it to the front (or perhaps back) of the White House we found ourselves on the other side of the road from the fence, with the Police not letting anyone across the road. Eventually we saw all the traffic on the otherside of the park facing the White House get stopped, we heard sirens. We went across to the corner where the police seemed to keeping things clear and sure enough in a few minutes, along came some police motor bikes, an SUV, then a limo, followed by a limo, followed by three SUV chase cars and a police car. Or something like that.

In both limos there were someone sitting in the back seat waving at us. One of the was Obama, I guess the other one was his decoy waver. Either way, Obama waved at me.

I love motorcades. It made me pretty pleased. This town rocks.

We went to the White House Visitor Centre which wasn't nearly as impressive as the White House gift store down the road.

We then wandered down to the National Museum of American History. It was full of American stuff, I'm not sure I learnt a lot, but it was full of good exhibits, and I saw Oscar the Grouch and Dorothy's ruby slippers. They're not really rubies, just sequins.

Tonight was Transformers night. I'll blog about the film later. It was on at cinemas right next to the Verizon Centre where Beyonce was playing tonight. As we walked through the crowd after buying tickets to the movie I had the urge to check tickets and usher people inside. I didn't however, I just went to Starbucks.

Now I'm ready for bed. The clothes have been washed. Tomorrow is Capitol attempt too! Woo!

The Wed

I'm not sure this blog is going to do the day justice, so I apologise to all you Jo fans out there in advance. But I'll write more than anyone else has so far, I promise you that.

I'd start from the beginning of the wedding, but I'm not sure when that was. The day before was full of things like rehearsals, speech, sermon and vow printing, meals, and people being stressed.

The day started at around 5am when the bridesmaids awoke singing. They didn't wake me up but I think the rest of the house was blessed by their melodies. They all headed off to get their hair done.

I woke at six something and showered, got dressed, and noticed the rain. Of course we'd all been praying for sunshine, but we got rain. Alanis Morissette popped into my head.

At 8 10 of the many people who had converged on the house were put in cars with various bits of the world-wide wedding cake put on top of them. I was given a box to hold labeled "EXTREMELY! FRAGILE!" This made me somewhat nervous. But when Di who was sitting next to me got a whole tier of the cake placed on top of her, I was most thankful that my load was small, light and probably less important.

The two cars left the house driving slowly through the streets of Antigua with the all powerful hazard lights on. It was like when they drive heavy equipment or nuclear bombs through the centre of small towns, at least that's how it felt in the car. Outside people didn't seem to understand the nature of the convoy. We got a chicken bus on our tail for the second half of the trip honking and threatening to run us over the whole time, but Lerae, our driver, was fearless and defiant, refusing to be intimidated. She managed to get us and the cake pieces to the venue in one piece, if you know what I mean.

The wedding venue is the most sought after venue in Guatemala, so I'm told. It's on the top of a hill over looking Antigua, surrounded by plush gardens, and interesting sculptures made by someone famous. The wedding was meant to be out under a shade cloth under the watchful eye of the volcano, but the rain moved us underneath the giant, permanent circus tent thing, where the reception was to be held. It wasn't a disaster. In fact, it was more intimate, because we were forced to do the ceremony in the round, or at least we did it in a line, one half of the congregation facing another with Jo and Victor in the middle.

On arrival, I sat down with Erica, my translator, and we went through the sermon together. She'd translated it the week before so we really just had to make sure we could do it together ok.

Then it was time to stand around and wait for something to happen. There was a lot of meeting of Guatemalan people who I couldn't talk to. Finally we all went to our seats, half an hour late, Sons of Korah started up and out of no where appeared Van dressed as a bridesmaid and walking down the make shift isle. It took people a little while to realise what was going on, and when Van reached the end of the isle she didn't quite know what to do, cause everything that had been rehearsed the day before was useless. But she did alright. For those of you want to know about the dresses and all that, the bridesmaids dresses were green, the flowers were colourful and the bridesmaids looked good.

Yep, I could write bridal magazines.

Jo arrived with Mum and Dad. Her dress was white. I almost cried (but I didn't because emotions are for weak people). It was strangely affecting to see my sister getting married. I don't think I've really thought through the significance of Jo's marriage for me, so I was surprised that I was emotional about it. But she's my sister and I love her, and I'm real happy that she's getting married, so I guess that's enough.

The ceremony, if it had not been in two languages would have been a rather simple affair, songs, sermon, prayers, vows, song, songs, recessional. But seeing as it was in two languages the whole thing seemed more elaborate, and it certainly was much longer. Added to this that it was cold and rainy and we were in an undercover but open air place, I thing there were a lot of cold people, especially bridesmaids and brides.

I preached, the jokes that there were crossed the Guatemalan divide, but there weren't many jokes. About half way through the sermon I realised it was going long. And while I normally would just edit on the fly, I couldn't because I had a translator and we were working of a pre-arranged manuscript. Erica, who did really well, had asked me at rehearsal if I was happy with the length, she may have been politely saying "It's too long you, nong!" But I didn't pick up on the politeness and thought it was fine.

Still people survived, and had the sermon been in just one language I would have been happy, so I'll sit with that.

When I sat down after preaching I sat next to Valentina who turned to me and said "So cool". And I thought "Wow, Valentina liked it." Then I thought about it some more and realised Valentina would never say "So cool" and actually she had said "So cruel". This stressed me out because I thought I'd really offended her some how with all my talk of needing Jesus in your marriage. But it turns out she was only talking about the length, especially when all the young women were freezing to death. I have to admit, I agree, it felt cruel while I was up there. I wrote a summer sermon.

The rest of the ceremony was lovely. I watched most of it with a lump in my throat. There was a Guatemalan lasso, Australian prayers, and even a John Colman song sung by Alex the American (who became my best friend for two days). It was a good ceremony. And as we sat and looked outside the rain stopped and the mist cleared and we could see glimpses of Antigua below. It was pretty special.

After the ceremony was the reception. I had a job to pull a string connected to a giant lace bell full of rice and beans as the bride and groom walked under it entering the reception . It's a Guatemalan tradition I'm told to wish the couple prosperity. I didn't do too well. My string broke and Victor Snr (Father of the Groom) had to run in and tear the bell apart with his strong, manly hands. Needless to say, I felt like a little bit of a failure.

The reception was breakfast, so I filled myself with eggs, sangers, beans and smoothies while Jo and Victor circulated and talked to all 200 of Victor's Cousins. You can tell he's an ethic just by the number of cousins he has. Those of us from devoloped nations only have a reasonable number like 15 at the most.

Watching them made me glad I'm not getting married. I don't want to talk to 200 people ever, unless it's all at once.

There were speeches, in two languages, plenty of tears from the Australians, Valentina's epic cake (which looked awesome) and then lots of standing around. There was a traditional Guatemalan band, but no dancing as dancing is a sin for Guatemalan Presbyterians so we all stood around and tried not to jig.

Finally, when most people had gone home, Jo and Victor decided to leave, and so did we. Jo's car broke down so she and Victor had to be driven to their swanky hotel in Victor's Brother-in-Law's flower filled car. We stayed behind and pushed the Corolla up and down the hill. Victor Snr finally started it by doing a live battery transplant.

By the time we all got home, we were all pretty wrecked. I read my book, ate some toast then went to sleep.

And that was the wedding day.

In the morning we all headed off to breakfast with the newly weds. You can tell your sister loves people when she has breakfast with 16 friends and family on the first morning of her honeymoon.

As it turned out, when Lesley and I made it to the airport we found out we were booked on the same plane to El Salvador with Jo and Victor. So we had the privilege of doing the first leg of their honeymoon journey with them. It was nice but a little odd. Like I said after Jo's first wedding, we're a close family.

Now we're in Washington DC and they're in Argentina. I'm going to bed. I'll blog about DC later.

The wedding was good. Jo and Victor are awesome. They're gonna be a great family and their kids are gonna be cute.

It rained but Jesus reigned.

DC

Arrived in DC we have. Didn't get killed in a train crash. Nor get bashed by Homeland Security. Things are good.

We need to sleep because we're off to Capitol Hill tomorrow. Yippah!

Ding Dong

Today is the wedding day. Jo's getting her make up done. I'm leaving for the place in 45 minutes. I have to get dressed.

It's raining today but Jesus reigns.

FONDLER UPDATE: U.S. HOUSE IMPEACHES JUDGE KENT PAVING WAY FOR TRIAL IN SENATE

**BREAKING**

Bloomberg

The House of Representatives voted unanimously to impeach U.S. District Samuel B. Kent, who has refused to step down from the bench after pleading guilty to obstructing an investigation into charges he sexually assaulted two female employees.

The impeachment case now goes to the Senate, which will hold a trial to determine whether he should be removed from the bench. Federal judges are appointed for life and can only be removed by Congress. Meanwhile, The Fondler kicks back on the Hobby Farm and collects his $170K a year. Cushy.

Related:

FEDERAL JUDGE CONVICTED OF A SEX CRIME SENT TO HOBBY FARM

SITTING FEDERAL COURT JUDGE SENTENCED TO 3 YEARS IN PRISON—SAMUEL KENT TO BE IMPEACHED

JUDGE ARRESTED AFTER KEYING NEIGHBOR’S CAR ON SECURITY VIDEO

Homeowner Adam Kliebert says a hidden video camera captured his Rice Village-area neighbor, state District Judge Woody Densen, damaging his Range Rover May 23. June 4, 2009; An influential local lawyer stated that the Judge was embroiled in a long running dispute with the neighbor

Houston Chronicle

Texas trial court judge Woody Ray Densen, 69, is facing two years in prison and a fine of up to $10,000 if convicted of doing what his neighbor’s security video tape seems to suggest he did—key his neighbor’s $70,000 Ranger Rover.

Woody Ray was recorded on a surveillance camera walking by his neighbor’s 2006 Range Rover and making contact with the vehicle twice on May 23 the Houston Chronicle reports.

The next-door neighbor, Adam Kliebert, a 40-year-old home builder, discovered a series of scratches made by a key to the rear door of his vehicle. The damages totaled nearly $3,000, Kliebert told the Houston Chronicle.

Kliebert set up the motion-activated video cameras inside his Rice Village area townhouse for less than $1,000 last month to film all activities on his driveway because he kept finding scratches and damages to his Range Rover and his ex-girlfriend’s Mercedes.
Densen and his attorney appeared before the grand jury Thursday morning.

After Kliebert’s cameras recorded video of Densen walking by and dragging his arm along the rear door of the Range Rover, Kliebert turned the surveillance video over to Houston police.

Although Densen’s actions are partially obscured on the surveillance footage, his arm can be seen making contact with the car, sometimes gliding or moving in a jerking motion along the vehicle’s rear door.

On one occasion on May 23, Densen looks back over his shoulder before pausing for several seconds directly behind the vehicle, looking down and dragging his arm along the rear of the car.

In a secretly videotaped conversation the next day, Densen told Kliebert he didn’t know who damaged the vehicle, but suggested the vandalism might have occurred because the SUV was partially blocking the sidewalk.

Densen presided over criminal cases as judge of the 248th State District Court in Harris County from 1983 until he was defeated in a re-election bid in 1994.

After that, he served as a visiting judge for many years, but stopped accepting courtroom assignments in 2007 after the Harris County Criminal Lawyers Association filed a complaint against him with the state Commission on Judicial Conduct. The state commission dismissed that complaint without taking any action.

Now that he has been indicted, Densen will likely be suspended from serving as a visiting judge in any courtroom, according to the state constitution.

“This has been a bad year for [Texas] judges generally,” Patrick McCann, a past president of the Harris County Criminal Lawyers Association said, referring to disgraced U.S. District Judge Samuel B. Kent, now serving a 33-month sentence in a federal hobby farm for a sexual assault conviction, and former Brazoria County court-at-law judge James Blackstock, who resigned last year after pleading guilty to official oppression and no contest to misdemeanor assault following his sexual harassment of various women.

“There may be a perception among some folks that (judges) can do what they wish..." McCann told the paper.

According to McCann, Judge Densen had a long running dispute with the neighbor whose car he (allegedly) keyed. (Over and over again.)
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Hat Tip: Martha Neil, ABA J, Texas Judge Is Indicted for Allegedly Keying Neighbor’s Range Rover

House

I'm rather enjoying living in this big new-but-old-looking house here in Antigua. I like being here because it's full of people I love. I love the fact that we're not all just here for a holiday but a wedding. Being here for a week and a half before the wedding, with a week between the civil and the religious ceremony, feels exciting. We've all gathered from the other side to prepare with Jo for her wedding. It's like we're spending a week in the French dressing room before the big event.

Go Team French.

In one room the cake is being made, in another room the sermon is being worked on, in another the bridesmaids are trying on their dresses, in another the 5pm prayer meeting is happening. To be technically correct I'm not sure that all these things have all happened at the same time, but I'm writing figuratively or something. I'm allowed to do that, this is a significant time.

Plus we go out for dinner together often, or lunch, often both. Every meal feels celebratory, every day feels significant. The bride and bridesmaids are all off on a mini-pre-wedding getaway for a few days and even their absence feels significant. We have a week of waiting, a week to finish everything we need to do, a week to be ready, a week to say farewell, and we week to bring two families together.

I'm sure if we were doing this in Australia, I'd be staying out of things a lot more. Anything I had to do, I'd be doing at home alone. Everything would be happening in different places, there would be no hub of activity, Mum and Dad's place would be central command but all the work would be done at satellite locations. I'd probably just turn up on the day of the wedding in my suit, ready to be the brother, I'd meet everyone at the church. Now we have all the joy and roughness of sticking 11 people together in a house for a week to get Jo wedded.

It's special and I like it.

MURDER A BILLIONAIRE, GO TO PRISON (FOR A LITTLE WHILE)

It was not the most dignified death—particularly for the billionaire head of Lazard Freres & Co., one of the most prestigious investment banks in the world. Eduardo Stern, 38th richest man in France, financier-- was found shot to death clad entirely in a latex suit and tied to a chair in his luxury penthouse apartment in Geneva. (Not to mention the strategic placement of an extra-large 'martial aid' iside his posterior body region.)

That was the story that rocked the stayed European financial world in 2005. Today that story came to a close when the whore—and we mean this in the literal sense—who shot Stern between the eyes, then once more in the head, then several times in the torso, while the billionaire was helpless and tied to a chair--was sentenced.

What sentence did the prostitute—who executed the financier after he called her a whore and after reneging on what she claimed was a $1M gift promise—receive?

If you guessed life in prison you would be a tad low. As in way low.

Total time received, subject to further time reductions for good behavior: 8 years.

OK, granted, Stern was one kinky SOB—but he was executed by a whore, who skated.

Soon, she will be free to whore and kill again.

And that is just not right. I mean, granted, she will probably kill a lot of bankers--but still....

Call girl jailed for eight years after shooting dead billionaire who called her a whore

Cafe Time

I'm back in Cafe Barista, internetting and sermon creating. I've borrowed my father's laptop. I hope he doesn't mind.

There again isn't much to blog. I ate a bagel yesterday. It wasn't very good, but it had tomato on it and I liked that.

Last night Dad, Grandpa, Victor, Victor Snr and I went out for the family despedida. I don't know if it's traditional for the men of the two families to go out together, but we did and I'm going to pretend it is tradition.

We went to a fancy restarant and ate fancy food and had un-fancy conversation. It wasn't a very manly place to be doing man bonding, but lucky we're all so manly. We did bond and it was good.

I'm finding this sermon writing is wearing me out.

MORE SAD CLOWN NEWS: CONVICTED CLOWN WILL SUE ALL POLICE

Brookfield Police Chief Daniel Tushaus has released this statement:

“The Brookfield Police and Fire Commission "dealt with yet another sad chapter in the saga of Ronald Schroeder, the convicted felon also known as ‘Silly the Clown.’

“Schroeder had requested the commission file disciplinary charges on his behalf against the chief of police, members of his command staff and eight individual police officers who worked to convict Schroeder of sexual assault, according to the statement.”

Hmmm; charge the chief of police, members of his command staff, and eight cops because an arrested clown thinks he was targeted?

Where have we read this recently?

Something about the Boulder PD?
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See our prior mention of Silly the Clown: When Clowns Go Bad: A Blogonaut Series

WHEN CLOWNS GO BAD: DRUNKEN HIT AND RUN CLOWN ARRESTED IN FRONT OF KIDS

Clown Patricia Ingalls mug shot

We have not had occasion to update our “when clowns go bad” series in some time. (See prior posts in this series, here.)

Now, out of Steubenville Ohio comes the story of a female clown who got drunk, was in a hit and run accident (dressed as a clown and drunk as a skunk, she crashed into a parked car) only to be arrested in front the children she was entertaining at a party. Now that's bad.

The clown, Patricia Ingalls, talked with News9 (Steubenville) and admitted that she never should have attended the party where children witnessed her being taken into custody:

"I'm not allowed to drink in costume and I should have never went (to the party) because I was too upset," said Ingalls.

Too upset? This clown wasn’t upset—with a .252 blood alcohol level she was seeing double and feeling no pain, trust us.

Still in all, the drunken clown did feel bad about being arrested in front of the kiddies:

"They were all hanging on me and saying, 'Don't take the clown,'" said Ingalls.”

Drunken Clown Arrested In Front Of Kids (News9)

BOCA RATON LAWYER GETS WRIST-SLAP FOR STEALING $1.2 MILLION IN CLIENT FUNDS

A former Boca Raton lawyer who acknowledged stealing nearly $1.2 million of clients' money from a trust account has been sentenced to 15 years of probation, including some house arrest (ouch!), and ordered to repay the money to victims.

How much jail time did Richard Bagdasarian, 54, now a convicted felon after pleading guilty to organized scheme to defraud over $50,000—and looting $1.2 million in client funds from his trust account--get: Exactly none. Zero. No time.

Why would the court be so lenient on an admitted thief, who stole so much money from his own clients?

According to his attorney Jeff Brown, the theft was “situational”:

"Richard Bagdasarian has committed a wrong and and has taken extraordinary steps to make it right," Brown wrote in the court record. "He is a man of great character who experienced a situational occurrence which will not be repeated."

Any lessons here? Well yea! If you are an attorney and steal $1.2 million from you own clients, save enough money to hire Jeff Brown!

Hat tip: Martha Neil at the ABA Journal:
Fla. Lawyer Gets Probation for $1.2M Client Trust Fund ‘Situational Occurrence’

NYC LAW FIRM CASHES IN ON GM BANKRUPTCY WITH $54M PAYDAY

Debra Cassis Weiss at the ABA Journal has a post up this morning informing just how well the lawyers have done in the run-up to the General Motors bankruptcy filing, and the answer is very well indeed.

The breakdown:

“General Motors has paid three law firms $80 million for work leading up to its bankruptcy filing.

The biggest fee earner was Weil, Gotshal & Manges, which racked up $54 million in fees and expenses in the six months leading up to the filing, the Wall Street Journal reports. Its hourly fees range from $355 to $640 for associates, and from $650 to $950 for partners, the Am Law Daily reports…”

Nice to see someone doing well in this economy.

Quiet on the Central Front

The last two days have been spent mooching around Antigua in cafes and restaurants. Plus I've spent plenty of time at home reading and sleeping. It's been quite pleasant. Unremarkable but pleasant.

For those who are wanting Jo news, she's been doing a lot more running around and wedding organising. As far as I can tell things are coming together. Tomorrow she's off to have a few days away with the girls. That'll be nice, and hopefully relax her so that she's ready to get fully married well rested, and totally happy.

LAWYER’S DEM-ON-GOP “BEAR-HUG” NETS ASSAULT CHARGE

“Isn't she a beautiful Republican?"
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Eagle Tribune

It’s never pretty when law and party politics intersect, and the case-of-the-courthouse-bear-hug is no exception.

The two protagonists in this tawdry tale are Robert LeBlanc, a defense lawyer and Democratic activist and defense lawyer Pamela Saia-Rogers, 39, a Republican activist.

Maybe LeBlanc was just being friendly. Perhaps—like other Democrats—LeBlanc was rubbing in the 2008 election results with his local party rival. Pamela Saia-Rogers, 39, tough, asserted in a complaint to the state bar that LeBlanc grabbed her in a from behind “bear hug” while uttering the words “Isn't she a beautiful Republican?'".

She further told the bar that she felt “embarrassed and violated, but kept her composure due to the work setting [she] was in."

The bar took no action, so Saia-Rogers (as Emeril would say) “kicked it up a notch” by augmenting her description of the incident—this time to the police—that the “bear hug” included a “crotch press”—elevating her charge into something sexual.

Oh, by the way, did we mention that when—three months later— Saia-Rogers marched into the police department to allege the never-before-claimed sexual assault she was accompanied by her husband, police Lt. John Rogers?

And what a surprise! Despite the lack of any verbal objection or outward indication that she took offense at the time, the change in story, and the three month delay in reporting the incident to police, Robert LeBlanc was charged with the crime of sexual assault. (Noooo, the insistance of her POLICE lieutenant HUSBAND that LeBlanc be charged had nothing to do with charging him. No way. Cops, even cops from neighboring police departments are neeever influenced by demands by high ranking cops in reference to their wives--no way dude!)

Yesterday, a magistrate judge ruled that there was no probable cause to proceed on a charge of sexual assault, but also held that LeBlanc must be arraigned on a simple battery charge.

"I'm confident at the end of the day I will be vindicated, as I was yesterday," LeBlanc said."

We agree, but somehow doubt that the dropping of criminal charges will end the matter—predicting a third round in civil court as the next stop. These people are, after all, lawyers.

Live Blogging at Cafe Barista

Currently this is what I see as I blog just of Antigua's main square. I ordered my drink almost all by myself. If I was my mother, I'd be so proud.

Guatemalan Sunday

Sunday was much smaller to live through. I think we were all rather tired.

The day started with a trip to Guatemala's overbuilt airport with Jem and Jo to pick up the third and final bridesmaid, Anna. She arrived in time and in style. Then it was off to Victor's to pick him up after he lost track of time in coming to meet us. Poor guy. He's normally good with time, but getting half married took it out of him.

Jo and Victor took us out to lunch at some posh traditional Guatemalan resturant. Victor and I had the buffet. There was a dish that was meant to be cow stomach. I was most excited to try it, but it turned out just to be chicken. Disappointed. Otherwise the buffet was good, I stocked up my empty belly and didn't need to eat again.

Actually I ate so much, I just wanted to sleep for the rest of the day. But that may also have been the jet lag as well.

Lunch was followed by a trip to a very large homewares store to buy some cake tins but we were foiled as there was only one size cake tin and it was the wrong size. Apparantly Guatemalan's only like cakes of one size. Imagine what will happen, how their cake paradigms will be exploded when they see the wedding cake, three different sizes in three tiers. They'll be blown away.

Seeing as we were frustrated in our attempts to make Guatamalan cake history, we headed home and I spent the rest of the night on the couch digesting lunch. I went to bed early.

Wedding that wasn't a Wedding that was a Wedding

This is what I started writing on Saturday evening

They do things differently here in Guatemala.

I woke up today, excited because it was Jo's civil ceremony. While in Australia we do the church wedding and the legal wedding in the the same service, here in Guatemala they break things up but doing the civil ceremony before the religious ceremony.

So today was Jo and Victor's civil ceremony and next Sunday will be the religious one.

As I was saying I woke up, excited that we were going to do something official today. I may also have woken up because I couldn't sleep any more. I'm not yet totally adjusted to the time zone.

I spent most of the morning having an internal deliberation as to whether to have facial hair or not when I go to the ceremony, I decided in the end for facial hair to avoid the inevitable facial rash that always comes with shaving these days.

And that is where I fell asleep while typing so I thought I should go to bed

Once the whole house had been juoozied up, we hopped in our taxis and cars and headed off to Jo's miniature house just outside Guatemala City.

Upon arriving at her house we found Jo and Mum who had stayed there the night before after Jo's Despedida, and Lesley and Van who had both arrived in the country the night before and that morning respectively. While all the new arrivals gave themselves a tour of the house in our glad rags (Jo has a pool in her back yard about the same size as a baptismal font, good for sudden localised, religious revivals but not much else) while the women were busy getting pretty and confining Jo into her dress. When she came downstairs looking all dressed up in a large ball gown it occurred to me that this civil ceremony might be a bigger deal than I had previously anticipated. She looked pretty good.

But the excitement was short lived as Jo received a phone call asking us all to come an hour later as things weren't ready at Victor's house. This did give us a chance to have a cup of tea and all us Australians to keep asking Jo questions as to what was actually going on and what was the point of this civil ceremony. It's all a little confusing.

Basically yesterday was the legal wedding, but next Sunday will be the ceremonial wedding.

After receiving another call telling us we could come now, we loaded ourselves into the various cars and drove ourselves across the suburb, filled with it's people, street vendors, and one way streets, and arrived at Victor's family's house.

The place was full of Guatemalans who I smiled at and kissed and bluffed my way through greetings. There was one woman who I have met before who I think knows less English than I know Spanish because every time she sees me she gives me a huge grin, a thumbs up and says "Yes! Yes!" I don't understand what she means, but seeing as no one understands me either, I figure if I give her thumbs up and a "Yes!" too she'll feel validated in her cross cultural enterprises.

Victor's parents had decked out their backyard filling it with chairs and a largish, square, open-sided, tent. Under the tent were a few chairs and a table with a nice tablecloth, a big vase of flowers and two nice chairs on one side facing one nice chair on the other. This was where the ceremony was going to take place. It reminded me of a Jewish wedding, except there were a lot of people under the covering.

When the ceremony began Victor's parents introduced everyone there. We all stood and waved and were clapped. I got to sit under the tent with my parents, just behind Jo and Victor. I felt like royalty.

Pablo the Lawyer stood up with Mario the Airline Pilot Trainer/Translator and gave us a Cirmon. This is a Sermon for a Civil Ceremony. He started off by talking about ancient Roman symbolic animals but then we were told they were irrelevant. I think perhaps something was lost in the translation, but I quite liked it. I was hoping there would be more irrelevancies in the cirmon to amuse me.

He actually spent a lot of time talking about God and marriage, and I worried he might be stealing my thunder for the ceremony in a weeks time. He talked about civil ceremonies were about giving to Caesar what is Caesars. I hadn't thought about it before but I felt it was an appropriate application of the verse. Lawyer and Preacher, this Pablo was good, I was feeling more than little intimidated.

When it came time for the reading and signing of the Marriage Act, Pablo did slip a little in the Lawyer stakes. He named Jo, Joanna Mary French Lopez, told us all she was from the Republic of Australian and mis-spelt and mis-pronounced almost her entire family tree. I think this was because Jo had given him the names via Victor, over the phone while getting her hair blow dried that morning.

Despite the issues, Jo and Victor signed their life away on the document, then my parents signed as witnesses, then Victor's parents, then all the Australians. It was fun. I've never signed wedding thing before. I didn't do a very good signature.

The various parents gave a little speech, then Jo and Victor spoke. Everyone cried. I may even have teared up a little. It was nice. And the Jo and Victor were married.

It was odd, I didn't realise Jo and Victor would actually getting married that day, but it turns out they are now legally married. Still that didn't make much of difference. They don't get to actually be married until Sunday at the Church ceremony. Right now it just seems like their still engaged with more jokes about their marriage.

As it was such an important occasion we all had to eat. I do love that all cultures celebrate with food. Food is wonderful. We had a wedding feast of lasagna and Guatemalan pudding.

A few hours later the festivities wrapped up and we all headed back home to our exotic villa in Antigua. I went out for dinner that night to a hippy cafe with loud good music, with Jem, Janet, John, Grandpa and Valentina. I think Jem and I were the only ones that enjoyed the music. It was a bit loud for everyone else. The food wasn't terrible though.

That night due to new arrivals I was moved out of the room I had been staying in, into a room with Mum, Dad and Jo. I was put in the double bed with Jo. The poor girl. My sister had to spend her wedding night sleeping in the same bed as her brother. Not really the best start to a marriage. She has told me that on her second wedding night I'm not allowed anywhere near, and that's totally fine with me.

FEDERAL JUDGE CONVICTED OF A SEX CRIME SENT TO HOBBY FARM

As our loyal readers know, sitting Federal Court Judge Samuel Kent was recently sentenced to 33 months in prison for a bad habit: He just could not keep his hands off female court staff—even though his fondling was unwanted. Kent is the first federal district court judge to be convicted as a sex offender. (See our most recent post here and out prior coverage here here and here.)

You may also recall that Cathy McBroom—the primary object of Kent’s sexual attention and the one-time Galveston case manager for Kent who made the formal complaint that led to the judge’s criminal conviction waxed eloquent at Kent’s sentencing:

“Being molested and groped by a drunken giant is not my idea of an affair,” McBroom said. She said she lost her marriage, her Galveston position, sleep, self-esteem and more and asked Kent be sentenced so he and others will remember it.”

However, if you’re among those thinking that prison life will be tough on the bastard (who still makes a six figure salary as a judge), think again. Alas, The Fondler (as we think of him) will, according to the WSJ Law Blog, be sent to a federal correctional facility more akin to that arts and crafts day camp we were shuffled off to by our parents during a month one summer:

“Kent has been ordered to report by 2 p.m. on Monday to the Devens Federal Medical Center in Ayer, Mass., about 40 miles west of Boston. Click here for the Houston Chronicle report. According to the Chron, a Federal judge has not gone to prison since 1991.

“The prison — known specifically as the Federal Medical Center at Devens —[…] offers a variety of indoor and outdoor recreational activities that range from individualized hobbycraft programs to intramural team sports. The Inmate Recreational Yard and Activity Center includes a multi-purpose room, outdoor recreation yard, and an indoor inmate activity center. The indoor activity center is located on the recreation yard and is intended for activities such as basketball, soccer and floor hockey. A music practice room is also available.”

Yea! That's what I'm talk'in bout!!! What a lovely 33 month paid vacation Judge Kent—who will also get his $170,000 judicial pay during that time—has lucked into. Granted, no women to fondle and no booze, but he will be paid $10,000 more than the starting annual salary of a lawyer graduating from Harvard Law with honors. No doubt, that will take some of the sting out of any inconvenience suffered by The Fondler due to said lack of chicks and Jack Daniels. After all, $170K a year buys a lot of candy bars and ping pong balls in the prison commissary. (You know it does Holms.)

And who knows what arts and craft and music skills Judge Kent can learn!

Let this be a lesson to you kids: Don’t do the crime unless you want to earn $170,000 a year while doing the time! Not to mention you might be made to do hobbycraft!!!!!

Kent to Do Time in Wilds of Massachusetts (WSJ-Law Blog)

MAN ARRESTED-AGAIN-FOR IMPERSONATING AN ATTORNEY

The law is in Harold Goldstein’s blood. He is a natural in the courtroom, representing the criminally accused with the zeal and enthusiasm befitting his chosen vocation. He loves trial work so much he goes to court every chance he can get.

The trouble is that he has never actually been licensed as an attorney or even been to law school. So the Newport Beach, California “attorney” was arrested on federal charges on June 10, 2009 the US Attorney's Office announced on June 10, 2009.

Fake lawyers are no strangers to this blog. Some fake lawyers even have successful, if short, careers. We have even posted about a woman who impersonated a lawyer to have sex with a prison inmate.

What makes Goldstein’s story unique is that he was impersonating a lawyer while on parole after serving part of a 150 month sentence for—you guessed it—impersonating a lawyer.

In fact, Goldstein’s original arrest over 5 years ago for impersonating a lawyer took place while Goldstein was on parole, as reported at the time in the White Collar Crime Prof Blog.

Are there any lessons to be learned here?

Follow your dream. But you might want to actually go to law school and pass the bar first.

For Harold Goldstein, as the White Collar Crime Prof Blog pointed out in 2005:

“At least he was well-versed in the criminal law, and no doubt had a good understanding of prison issues.”

Hammock

I tried the hammock. It was a let down. It seemed better designed to enhance flexibility than relaxation. Had I stayed in it I'm sure I would have been able to touch my toes with my face with minimal effort.

Airport Weddings and Pedidas

I have arrived now in the Guatemala. I'm "Sister's Wedding Ready".

After I last blogged I ventured out into LAX to get myself booked into my next flight to Guatemala 1:45am. I decided to check in early to save myself the hassle of lining up with a thousand other people. But when I arrived it was a like a Latino convention. I thought Latin American people were meant to arrive late to everything, but not the check in it seems.

But despite the people, I made it. I spent the whole time in the line running my tongue around my teeth and dreaming of brushing them. So I went and had dinner, then brushed my teeth. Oh how it felt so nice.

I made it on to my flight after sleeping at the gate in the uncomfortable chair for an hour, and I pretty much slept the whole flight.

Guatemala City airport is spacious, shiny and empty. It seems like they built it anticipating a boom in travel which is yet to come, but I'm happy to give them points for optimism.

Customs and Passport Control scared me because they were in another language (Elvish, if you're wondering), but I made it through alright. They didn't seem interested in my 7kgs of icing sugar. Which has given me new inspiration to begin a career as a drug runner. No one expects you to bring drugs into Latin America.

Victor and his Mum picked me up and drove me directly to the supermarket. They wanted me to see the sights.

Then it was to Victor's place for a shower, off to the posh mall for pancakes and back to the airport to find my Father.

While we were waiting at arrivals (which is situated outside, even though they have a perfectly good, shiny, new and empty arrivals hall inside) a bride and groom pulled up in a wedding car, got out and then proceeded to get married right there outside the Airport. They had a celebrant, photographer, video guy, bodyguard, cake person and everything. They stood there said their vows, had their kiss, took their photos, ate their cake, drunk their champagne and threw their bouquet right there in front of the people picking up their friends, business men and taxi hustlers. It was amazing! It could easily have been a performance by an improv theatre group, it was rather strange. I would have taken photos but I didn't want to miss the kiss.

Dad arrived just in time to miss all the fun, and we headed off for Antigua.

Victor handed us on to a taxi driver who arrived only an hour after summoned. I used the time to doze deeply. When the taxi driver got us to Antigua he promptly got himself lost. We stopped about 7 times to ask for directions. I think perhaps Guatemalans have a habit of giving directions even when they don't know the way. Everyone asked gave an answer, and only one person actually got us too the place. It may just be an over-developed sense of self-confidence. Whatever the case, we arrived at the house we're staying at only a few hours late.

We were welcomed at the door by Jane, Jo, Janet and Jem. It was a little sad to break up their retreat for women with names starting with J, but it was nice to see them. I like them all.

It actually turned out that Grandpa and Valentina were hiding inside so the J convention had already been crashed.

The house we're staying in is a large, new but old looking, posh place with a maid. I've never had a maid before, but I shall make us of it by throwing rubbish on the ground in front of her and watching her clean it up.

I'm actually not sure how well we're all coping with the maid. Everyone keeps feeding her and trying to do her cleaning and tiding for her. I wonder if our egalitarian nature insults her professionalism.

After arriving at the house I accidentally fell asleep on my bed, and woke up in time to get dressed in my nice shirt and ugly pants for the evening's Pedida. A Pedida is a Guatemalan tradition before a wedding where the Mother and Father of the Groom and the Groom come to the house of the Mother and Father of the Bride and ask permission for the Son to marry the Daughter.

Last night we had the Pedida. It was nice. All the important people made speeches. They all got translated. There was a bit of crying. I managed to stay awake through the whole thing, but I got a lot of worried looks that I might soon fall off my chair. It felt significant, the Pedida not the narcolepsy.

Needless to say, my parents said "Yes".

The two families (plus well loved ring-ins) then had a feast provided by the women of the French clan. The feast was meant to be traditional Australian, but I think it was more Hungarian due to the fact that Hungary actually has a culinary tradition to draw on. We did have Pavlova in honour of Jo's Australian/New Zealandish roots.

I went to bed around 9pm and woke up at 9am. It was one of those sleeps that feel as nourishing as a big roast dinner. It made me very happy.

Today started with pancakes and a trip into Antigua for coffee with Dad, Grandpa and Valentina. The women are now all off for Jo's Despedida (her hen's night) and I am blogging.

I'm eyeing off the hammock on the back veranda. It looks highly relaxing and exotic. I want to read a book in it and fall asleep. That'll be the life.