Roller Coaster: A Toronto Blue Jays 2009 Season Review

April 6 - Opening Day win against the Tigers. Adam Lind with 6 RBIs! This Jays team doesn't look like they will suck after all.


April 9 - First big league win for Ricky Romero, giving up 2 ER and striking out 5 in 6 innings. The Jays also win their first series. Troy Tulow-who?




April 13 - The Moonraker belts 2 moonshots off the Twins, including the game winning dinger in the 8th. The way this kid is belting them, there's no way he will get sent down!




April 21 - Doc proves he's human by giving up 5 ER against the Texas Rangers. Texas seems to be one of those teams that gives him trouble from time to time. Let's not even talk about the Kevin Mench incident.



April 23 - BJ Ryan, suffering from crappy pitcher syndrome, hits the DL. Ricky Romero joins him with strained an oblique after a vicious sneeze


April 26 - Ladies and gentlemen, the Blue Jays are for real! They are an offensive juggernaut and has been smacking the leather off the ball. Doc picks up his 4th win and the Jays go on to open up the season with their 6th straight series win. PENNANT!!1 and PLAYOFFS!!1 can be seen on Blue Jays blogs everywhere.



May 2 - The Jays beat the Orioles pushing them to first place in the AL East. Who said the Jays couldn't beat AL East teams? Granted it was the Orioles...but whatever. PENNANT!!1



May 10 - Brett Cecil just got his first major league win with a very Doc-like line:
8 IP, 5 H, 2 BB, 0 ER, 6 K



May 12 - Burnett facing the Jays at the Rogers Centre Skydome for the first time since he fled for more money. Doc dominates the Yanks in one of the most memorable and emotional nights at the dome.


May 15 - BJ is back :(




May 18 - Rios drives in the game-winning run via triple against the White Sox. I bet the White Sox really wish they had this guy.



May 21 - The Jays get swept by the Red Sox at Fenway. Six more games left in the road trip. It's okay, we'll just walk into Camden and sweep the Orioles again, right?



May 22 - With exception of the two moonshots, Snider hasn't exactly done a whole lot. He gets sent down to Vegas to smash some AAA balls.



May 22 - Doc goes into Atlanta to try to get the Jays back on the right track. No dice as the offence comes up empty for him. They got shut down by Kenshin Kawakami (Who?)



May 27 - Can this road trip be any longer? We just lost our 9th straight on the road to the motherfuckin Orioles! The city of Toronto has blocked off the Prince Edward Viaduct as the suicide watch is on high.


May 29 - The Jays welcome back the home cooking and beat the Red Sox 6-3 as Casey Janssen picks up his first win of the season. The team could have only gotten stronger after that road trip. We back, baby! WILDCARD!!1



June 2 - Roy Halladay, MD with a nails performance., striking out a career high 14 batters for his 9th win. GIVE THIS MAN THE CY YOUNG!


June 4 - "You're a bum! You're a bum!" I originally pegged this as a negative movement on the graph but who am I kidding, it provided me and my friends a shitload of Alex Rios jokes and "Who gives a fuck?! Who gives a fuck?!" is a still alive and well.



June 5 - The Jays smacked "the best pitcher in baseball" around like a pimp does his disobedient hooker. Greinke gives up 5 ER in 5 IP...if only it wasn't for that error.



June 6 - The Jays draft 2 Canadian kids with their first 3 picks. These guys must be thrilled to play in Canada. Do they just sign on the dotted line?


June 7 - Another one bites the dust as Jesse Litsch goes in for Tommy John.




June 7 - Roy Halladay with another complete game. This time a shut out against the Royals. I hope you were paying attention, Greinke. Doc just won his 10th and is on pace for like 30 wins! 20 will come, no problem.

June 12 - Doc leaves the Marlins game with a sore groin...everything's going to be okay right? I'm scared...and cold...somebody hold me.




June 16 - Scott Downs go down after trying to beat out a throw to first against the Phillies. Well there goes our lights out closer...where the hell are my fantasy baseball saves going to come from now? Fuck interleague play!


June 20 - The 2 biggest douches show up on a road trip against Washington basically making every game in the series unwatchable. The American audience loves them and they get even more publicity out of it. Seriously, this better not lead to them being on TV more...





June 27 - Jayson Werth goes 4/4 with 2 dingers. Why does it seem like he kills us every time we face him? The Jays need to sign this guy.



June 29 - Doc is back but loses to the Rays. Tampa Bay seem to be Doc's Kryptonite.



July 1 - Happy Canada Day! Ricky Romero shuts out the Rays for a Canada Day victory. Rookie of the year, anybody?



July 6 - We lose 3 of 4 to the Yankees in the windtunnel to drop us to .500.




July 7 - Ken "I need to shut my fuckin mouth" Rosenthal reports that JP is shopping Doc.
1. JP did not say that.
2. Fuck off, Rosenthal.



July 8 - No more BJ as the Jays release the shitballing lefty. You hear that? That's the sound of BJ taking $15 million to the bank.



July 19 - Amidst all the trade talk, Doc throws a 6 hit, complete game gem against the Red Sox. That ovation is for you, Roy.




July 21 - Scott Downs starts his string of very shitacular relief appearances. In this 5-game span, you will see him blow 2 saves and pick up 3 losses, giving up 6 ER in 5.2 innings. Downs is then found tied up in the clubhouse and we find out it was BJ Ryan pitching all along.

July 24 - Doc's "last" start. A great effort but he could only get the no decision. Jays end up losing to the Rays AGAIN. Seriously, I hate Carl Crawford!




July 25 - Seriously? The Jays blow a 8-0 lead? To the fuckin Rays? I'm seriously hating this team as much as I do the BoSox and Yankees right now...The Jays, not the Rays.



July 31 - Scott Rolen bids farewell. I will miss having this guy at the hot corner but all the "experts" seem to think the Jays made out like bandits on the deal. Long live the GBOAT!


Aug 4 - A very uncharacteristic performance from Doc, giving up back to back jacks in the windtunnel to the Yanks. Doc has 1 win in his last 8 starts. How is this possible?!





Aug 5 - BJ Ryan is released by the Cubs. Looks like a 84 MPH heater isn't in high demand these days.



Aug 7-9 - Back 2 Back weekend, baby! The Jays season might not have been great but this weekend is a celebration, bitches! Joe Carter! Robbie Alomar! Paul Molitor! Catch the taste!




Aug 10 - So long, Alex. Rios has been claimed off of waivers. Surely, he'll thrive in a new environment, right? We will always have "Who gives a fuck?!"






Aug 17 - Jays can't sign our Canadian draft picks. Can we hang Paxton and Eliopoulos for treason?




Aug 18 - Travis Snider gets called back up and immediately impresses going 2/3 and blasting a solo shot. Unfortunately it was in a losing cause but hey, at least he got his kinks worked out!...I hope




Aug 31 - Cooperstown is getting ready for Adam Lind as he gets 8 RBIs in a game. Wow.




Sept 1 - Scott Rolen is no longer the GBOAT as it turns out he hates Canada. I can't believe I wanted to share fossil fries with you.


Sept 4 - Harry Leroy Halladay III 1 hits the Yankees in another dominant complete game. Best pitcher in the league, bar none.



Sept 15 - "What have I seen from Rios? A lot of outs. The only batting ninth guy making $5 million was me. This mother [bleeper] is making $10, $12, $14 million, he ain't going to be batting ninth [in 2010]. I'm going to make sure he earns his money. But right now I have to put him there because he's struggling. Next year, if we have Rios batting ninth we're in deep [crap] once again.''
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FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! Jorge Posada is a dickhead. Jesse Carlson is a badass. Rock that welt with Pride, Jesse.


Sept 21 - David Purcey gets his first win this season. About fuckin time. I had high hopes for him too. He was even on my fantasy team at one point! There's always next year...



Sept 23 - Lighthouse Hill is truly the bright spot in this dark season. Hill gets his 100th RBI in walk off fashion. Does this guy do anything normally?



Sept 25 - Doc's possible last home game and he doesn't disappoint. Another complete game, another shut out. Can we just give him the Cy Young now?




Sept 29 - Adam Lind goes beast mode again and hit 3 HRs. Would have hit 4 if it wasn't for Asswipe Papelbon.


Sept 30 - Doc has Lind's back as he beans Ortiz (god, I love this video). Just another day at the office as Doc notches his 4th(!!!) complete game (a 3 hitter) this month and 2nd(!!!) shut out in as many starts. WE LOVE ROY HALLADAY!

Oct 2 - It appears that there is turmoil in the clubhouse yet again. I thought Gibbons took that with him when he left. Oh yeah, fuck off Ken Rosenthal.


Oct 3 - JP sent packing. Along with the bad, he has also done a lot of good things for the Jays but after 8 years, it was time for a change. Everybody knew it. I wish Alex Anthopoulos the best and hope he can maintain a competitive team next year. There really is nowhere to go but up from this clusterfuck of a season.

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This season has definitely had its share of ups and downs. I can't think of a better comparison than a roller coaster. While we hit high points like Doc having some unbelievable lights out performances and the emergence of Aaron Hill and Adam Lind, we have also hit low points like the 9 game losing streak, Cito-gate and Kevin Millar batting clean up. Regardless of the ups and downs, as Jays fans we hung on for the ride til the very end.

JUDGE HALVERSON CURSE: HER REPLACEMENT JUDGE ALSO ASSAULTED BY HUSBAND

What is it about the Las Vegas bench and their spouses?

First Las Vegas Judge Elizabeth Halverson (already in the news for other reasons) was beaten by her ex-felon husband Ed Halverson with a frying pan.

Now, Vegas District Judge Stefany Miley (above) has something else in common with Elizabeth Halverson—other than occupying the same district court seat formerly held by the 400 pound jurist:

According to the Las Vegas Sun:

“The husband of District Judge Stefany Miley was arrested late Thursday on a domestic battery charge following a disturbance at the couple's home.

“Edward Miley, a lawyer who represented one of the defendants in the O.J. Simpson robbery case, was taken into custody sometime after Metro Police arrived at the scene about 9 p.m., according to a police report obtained by the Sun. He was then taken to the Clark County Detention Center to be booked into the jail.”

The Sun article goes on to note:

“Judge Miley — [is] a former Family Court judge who was elected last year to the District Court seat vacated by Elizabeth Halverson…”

Yikes! That judicial seat is cursed?

Now that is a scary thought.

Although Judge Miley and Halverson bear no physical resemblance (the former a blond, the latter a brunette) they appear to have (alleged) similar taste in husbands.

Stay tuned here for more coverage of the Judge Halverson curse.

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In the interim, we would strongly urge Judge Miley to avoid fatty foods, be super-nice to her bailiff, and to rid the house of frying pans. (Miley might also consider staying off the soccer field as well.)

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Related: Halverson ousted; Miley top vote-getter (LVRJ)

Colon Cleansing Anyone?

Facebook is giving me a bad day.

This morning I found my Facebook account had been hacked:



So I went through and changed my password. And I changed a few of my other more sensitive passwords in case I have a virus that has logged my keystrokes or something. And I scanned my computer for viruses but found nothing.

Tonight I came home and found I couldn't log into Gmail or Facebook. I think because I made my passwords too hard to remember. So I had to reset them. But it's hard to do that because they send the password reset to your email and your email is in Gmail and you can't get into Gmail. Argh!

Then when I finally get onto Facebook I see that two of my friends have been status hacked as well.



So perhaps the problem is with Facebook and not with me. Or maybe this virus is just going really well. Or maybe Sam and Mathan really did lose 8 1/2 pounds and are really excited to tell everyone. Stranger things have happened.

Whatever the case I'm sick of typing stupid passwords.


I'm not entirely sure what the ethics of sticking up pictures of people's hacked Facebook statuses are. If you want me to take it down Sam, I will. I'm pretty Mathan doesn't read my blog. But Mathan, if you do, let me know and I'll take it down for you too.

Google Wave

I'm not one for getting too excited about the internet (Woo Bing!) but I did just watch a one hour presentation on Google Wave. It looks pretty impressive. If this thing takes off it's gonna change how we relate on the web. It seems to put all the best bits of the net into one place so you can share it with everyone. I'm rather excited.

It looks to me like it'll be the usual problem with the internet enhanced. More information, more communication, more time wasted.

Google is going to own the world.

WHAT KIND OF JAIL TIME IS POLANSKI FACING?

A young Roman Polanski with his bride Sharon Tate, who would soon be murdered by the Manson crime family

There has been a predictable explosion of news articles, OP Ed pieces, blog posts, and related reader comments since the Oscar winning director was arrested in Switzerland on a 32 year old arrest warrant out of Los Angeles.

A lot of noise, passion, and emotion reflecting the public mood—32 years after Polanski’s arrest for having sex with a minor that her mother pushed on Polanski, possibly to set him up for a big civil payday (which payday occurred)—most proclaiming that the “child rapist” should be locked away in prison , and to hell with the rich (former) Hollywood bastard.

But what are the real facts, and what kind of time is Polanski really looking at if he is in fact extradited from Switzerland to face the musical score commenced by a (now diseased) Los Angeles judge who agreed that a 90 day Department of corrections evaluation should govern whether Polanski should get any additional prison time—then when the typically pitiless and cynical California Department of Corrections concluded that Polanski does not belong here—reneged on the deal and told others that he planned to sentence the famed director to prison—prompting Polanski to flee to France?

First, Polanski pleaded guilty to “unlawful intercourse” with a minor in exchange for the other charges being dismissed. He agreed that Judge Laurence Rittenband would determine the sentence. Rittenband sent the filmmaker to the prison in Chino for a 90-day diagnostic evaluation that he said would enable the Court to reach a fair and just decision.

The director did NOT plead guilty to “raping a child”, and subsequently paid the child’s mother a substantial civil settlement. Sorry, but that just never happened.Prison officials released Polanski after 42 days and advised the judge that testing indicated his sentence should not include additional prison time. A furious Judge Rittenband then said he planned to send Polanski back to prison—contrary to the plea deal.

Second, if Polanski is successfully extradited back to Los Angeles on the unlawful sexual intercourse charge, he faces a MAXIMUM of 16 months in state prison on that charge.

Third, it may not come to that.

On the very day that Polanski was arrested, an appellate panel was already deciding—on the exceedingly rare issuance of an aptly named “extraordinary writ”—whether to intervene at the trial court level and reverse the presiding criminal judge’s earlier denial of Polanski’s motion to dismiss the case due to judicial misconduct. The court of appeal took the rare step of requesting opposition from prosecutors, and was in the process of scheduling oral argument on Polanski’s appeal when the director was arrested—raising more questions about fairness and timing. That appeal is still pending.

It should be noted that the presiding criminal judge denied Polanski’s motion to dismiss on the procedural ground that his motion could not be entertained while he remained a fugitive—but supervising criminal judge, Peter Espinoza noted, however, that he found evidence of "substantial . . . [judicial] misconduct."

Fourth, Polanski could either a. try to enforce his plea deal of no additional time pursuant to the Department of Corrections evaluation stating “It is believed that incalculable emotional damage could result from incarcerating the defendant whose own life has been a seemingly endless series of punishments," a reference to the fact that Polanski’s mother was murdered in the Holocaust by Nazi’s, and to the fact that Polanski’s pregnant wife—actress Sharon Tate—had before Polanski’s tryst with the minor been brutally butchered by the Charles Mansion crime family—and her blood painted on the walls of the crime scene; or b. move to set aside the plea, and make the prosecution go to trial on a 32 year old case, wherein the victim now resides out-of-state and has refused to testify.

It should also be noted that at the time the sentencing judge reneged on the plea bargain the victim’s family was also urging the court not to sentence Polanski to any additional jail time.

Fifth , Polanski also potentially faces new charges stemming from his failure to appear in court for the 1978 sentencing hearing—although, in view of the evidence that the sentencing judge intended to renege on the plea deal—who can blame him?

The bottom line is this:

Polanski was never convicted of “raping a child”. In the face of evidence that the minor’s mother set the whole thing up to engineer a big civil payday (which plan worked—the mom who dropped her underage daughter off at the jack Nicholson party where the event occurred cashed in big).

Instead, the director pleaded guilty to “unlawful sexual intercourse” with a minor with the understanding that he would report to state prison in Chino for an evaluation by cynical California Department of Corrections personnel regarding whether Polanski should do more time, and that the recommendation would govern.

The recommendation was that Polanski do no more time.

The sentencing judge told others he was going to renege on the deal and send Polanski back to the joint.

Polanski got on a plane for France, and never looked back (until now).

Polanski’s victim wants the case dropped.

As politically correct (not to mention cheap, easy and without political risk) as it may be to rant and rave that Polanski is a “child rapist” who should do life in prison—life, as with the fact of this case, is a little less black and white and a little more complicated.

Yes, what Polanski did at an earlier time 32 years ago in Los Angeles after his pregnant wife was butchered and the press wrote about it front page for years, and after a frustrated actress and stage mother thrust her daughter at Polanski to engineer a payday (which she collected on) was reprehensible, it was awful and it was wrong.

But that tragic event 32 years ago does not define Polanski’s life, a corrupted system reneged on a deal that it made with Polanski causing him to flee his life in Los Angeles, and all the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s Office is interested in at this point is cheap political points at the expense fairness.

That is our opinion.
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BTW, regarding Bill Maher's statement last night on Joy Behar’s new cable talk show—that “I cannot think of anything worse than doing it in the nasty place with a 13 year old”—We would remind you that this is the same Bill Maher who stated on his network TV show six days after the 911 attacks on the World Trade Center (6 days!!!!—while we were still stranded at Heathrow along with the rest of the world watching those planes fly into the towers again and again) that he disagreed with the view that the hijacker’s who killed thousands were “cowardly”.

Said Maher, as he simultaneously defended the hijackers and verbally attacked the United States of America as being “cowardly”:

“We have been the cowards, lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.”

We therefore question Maher’s moral compass in this or any other ethical matter.

Help! I Have a Monster in my Closet

New Zealand: The Friendly Skies

Contrary to popular belief, New Zealand didn't sell their entire air force to Australia. They still have an air force, they just sold their fighters to various people around the world. They have still have transport planes however, some helicopters and some snazzy trainers.

So should anyone ever invade New Zealand, New Zealand won't able to fight them from the sky, but they will be able to move things about with skill. But it's not all bad for New Zealand if they get invaded their navy has two combat ships which should keep any invading force busy for a while.

For those who are wondering, this is the entire New Zealand Air Force:

2 Boeing 757, 5 C-130H Hercules, 6 P3-K Orions, 14 Bell UH-1H Iroquois, 5 Bell 47G Sioux, 13 Aerospace CT-4E Airtrainer, and 5 Beech King Air B200. (From here)