The Following Toys are Banned From Church Property!: "Tickle Me Elmo - What the instructions on this perverted little toy don't tell you is that if your child tickles Elmo on the nape between his hairy red testicles and fuzzy hiney, instead of letting out a giggle, he twitches and moans in a suggestive manner, squirting warm yogurt (not included) into your sweet child's face. "